Trip - 2019 Namibia — ThePhotoGuy.dk

My 2019 Trip to Namibia

22 Days solo

For anyone interested in reading through this page, just be warned. It’s very long. This is not something you can flip through to pass the time while you’re stuck in line. I’m guessing that a printed version would fill about 100 pages.

Most of the text is stream of consciousness that just meanders through my various thoughts, fears, and plans for the day. It’s interesting to me, but not intended or likely to entertain others. Still, if you like that sort of thing, by all means, be my guest.

My trip to Namibia was certainly my most ambitious, and in a very real sense, this trip is standing on the shoulders of my earlier trips.

I don’t mention explicitly mention in my journal entries that I was driving on the left side of the road. By this time, after New Zealand, Scotland, and Ireland, driving on the left was not a challenge. I don’t seem to notice that I had issues with my rented camper’s refrigerator both in New Zealand and on this trip. Are refrigerators the weakest component of a camper?

I am quite proud of the photos I took, since, unlike the pictures taken on my trips to Cuba, Morocco, and Iceland with Lee Frost, I did the work required with respect to finding locations, choosing the time to be there, and motivating myself. I did get help from an agency in choosing my accommodations and route, and I’m glad I did, since I did not know enough about the country to be able to arrange everything myself.

I had a number of small catastrophes, but nothing life threatening. I both helped strangers in need and was helped by strangers when I was in need, though this did not significantly change my desire to avoid people whenever possible. I made some pretty big mistakes, but the worst consequences that I feared most never came to pass.

Knowing what I do now, I would most likely have arranged the trip differently, with more time in the south, where I mostly spent time driving, and less time in the north, which is more popular with most tourists. Although, having said that, I have no major regrets that I took the trip as I did. It helped me solidify my understanding of my own preferences.

My route

Day 0 - Sunday, April 14, 2019

Copenhagen 09:30

I’m nearly fully packed (two duffles). I have about an hour and a half before I will head to the airport. I want to get there early because I have an oversized duffle and I expect today to be a busy travel day. I need to go through both security and then customs because my first flight is to London.

12:31

Checked in, through passport control, and sitting in the lounge. I’m feeling less anxious now that I have made it this far.

On the plane Copenhagen-London 13:48

On the plane, safety video done, still far from the runway. Feeling calm and curious. So what will this adventure bring?

Heathrow 15:35

I’ve made it to the Heathrow BA Lounge and just proved I was on vacation by eating a couple small sandwiches and a piece of carrot cake that dwarfed them both separately and together.

As I may have written before, the BA Lounge clientele (myself, as always, must be included in this observation), has shifted decidedly to a broader cross section of the public in the 20 years since I first started visiting BA Lounges. I remember those early lounges were filled with besuited and relatively old white men. Today, I see all genders, ages, nationalities, and clothing styles represented, except, perhaps, for besuited anyone. I’m not complaining, it’s just interesting that the population does not differ much, at least in clothing style, to the people I would see in the rest of the airport.

15:52

I’m working on writing notes for the Ludovico Best of book. It is a relaxing thing to do. It’s gotten quite easy.

This morning, I tried playing some of the very easy pieces that I had written notes for, just from sight reading. I started with La Profondita Del Buio and was surprised to find that I could do better than I expected. I didn’t record myself, so posterity will have to take my word for it. I did not play to speed, nor note perfect, or anywhere close to a steady tempo. On the other hand, I was able to slowly move forward through the piece. Even on a simple piece, that is quite different than previous attempts.

Day 1 - Monday, April, 15, 2019

Johannesburg SLOW Lounge 06:44

I arrived safely in Johannesburg and was the first off the plane, which meant I was the first to wander through empty halls in the airport, as we appeared to be the first plane to arrive this morning.

I walked through most of the airport, stopping to get 2000 RAND from an ATM (about 1000 DKK). I suspect that I should try to keep this in reserve and take out Namibian Dollars in Windhoek, as I am not sure that Namibian Dollars will work in South Africa, but I know the reverse is true.

The ATM distracted me from the sign to the BA Lounge, so I walked to the other end of the airport and walked back to find it. It turned out it was closing, so they directed me to the SLOW lounge. Good luck, because if I had not heard this from them, I would have just assumed I had bad luck and the BA lounge was closed in the morning.

This time I wasn’t the first to arrive, but among the first, so I got a good seat with access to power and a view over the shops. I needed to use the toilet and discovered that it had a shower. At first I thought I would wait, but then realized that the lounge may grow crowded. There had been no towels, so I did not shower immediately. Instead I found a bottle of still water, plugged in my devices, then went back and asked for a towel.

Now I have showered and I’m considering what I want to do with the 5 hours until my flight.

I’m leaning towards nap for right now...

08:03

And a nap it was. I slept until a moment ago. Woke up with a snort at least once. I hope I wasn’t snoring otherwise, but out of my control.

I’m considering coffee and food, though I’m not super hungry yet.

10:01

Just woke from yet another nap. I’m not impatient to get moving, although I am thinking that perhaps I could use some time to walk around in this airport, just to get in the exercise. Well, I had thought of leaving at about 11:00, even though my flight doesn’t leave until 12:00. That should give me time to walk and perhaps look.

I want to buy something to split at least one 200 RAND bill into smaller bills and coins. Perhaps buy a few things, but I don’t think I really need to buy anything. What then, shall I buy?

Windhoek 19:07

I ended up buying a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup and feeling guilty about it, but I got some smaller bills. I had to pay for the SIM card with cash as well. Picking up the car indeed took a long time. I made it to the hotel by about 18:15 and it is already dark and I’m tired, so I’m not going to do any shopping today. The refrigerator battery is dead anyway. Tomorrow I will shop.

The car/camper looks new and exactly as expected (cooking on the outside, but with mosquito netted windows, so that’s good, and stabilizers are not required according to the guy. I’ll have to get used to driving it, but I did fine coming here.

My hotel has a nice bath. I’ll use it after dinner.

It’s actually similar temperatures to Denmark in spring or fall. The sweatshirt and long pants will be fine. I think I’ll unload the duffles when I get to my destination tomorrow. Not sure if there will be much to shoot along the way. We’ll see. It might be good, however, to get out my travel plans and put them in the glove compartment.

I can’t figure out how tall the truck is and I ran into some trees when looking for a place to park here. Not a catastrophe.

I recorded some of the presentation of the car, I should look to see if you can see anything....

19:44

I’m in the restaurant and I’ve ordered 200g Crumbled Mushrooms as an appetizer and 250g Chicken Corden Blu as my main course (with veggies rather than fries). The waiter seemed disappointed, but that was probably just my projection.

I’m hungry.

I read for a while but I don’t have much patience for it.

I can see that I may find myself paying with cash a lot on this trip, so I need to take out more to have with me.

I read the end of the first chapter of An Undefeated Mind. I’m reminded, then, of the concept, which is that we continue trying to solve whatever problems we face, regardless of any failure we meet, because the only real defeat is giving up.

Well, I’m meeting that. Here I am in a foreign country facing my fears and seeing that they may not have been irrational, but they did not sink me.

The only thing I had to “fight” for, was the GPS, which I was a bit worried about. The guy at the agency was either gracious or realized that he was not going to win. He started saying that my package did not include a GPS, but that he would take this up with the agency, so that I had a good start of my trip. It seems to work well, but that’s actually another thing for me to look at tonight.

I realized that I do not have any fiction in my kindle reading list at the moment. Perhaps I should find something to relax with.

I could re-read something old, perhaps.

Day 2 - Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Windhoek 08.32

I was tired last night and went to bed just before 9pm, I believe. I slept “late” until just before 7am.

I got up and started slowly, but eventually repacked my duffles, took a shower, ate breakfast, applied sun screen, and I’m ready to go. The shopping center is on the way and only 6 minutes away, so I should be in good shape to make it to the next campsite in the early afternoon. Then I can set up the camper.

Feeling less anxious though still not super excited. Just happy to have made it beyond the initial hurdles.

On the road 13.04

Shopping, as I expected, was difficult. I bought eggs and some omelet meat and a bit more, but it’s a real struggle to decide if anything is appropriate. I bought 10L of water, but think, of course, that this is probably too little. I’m about 1 hour away from the campsite and taking a short break. I did so once before and it was fine, but here there are lots of annoying insects.

Stampriet 15.44

I got to the campsite at about 2pm and discovered that I had printed my vouchers on both sides of the paper, so I can’t actually give them to anyone. The woman was nice enough to make a copy of all three pages, just one side, but then I ripped the wrong one for her. I only noticed later, so I have to remember to ask for it back and exchange with the single sided copy.

I’ve been unpacking, but now I’m taking a coffee and Reese’s break. I’m trying my thermos and it works well. I can have it with me on the road. I can also use it to make coffee on the road, I suppose, though I don’t really trust the battery. We will see if it can keep my refrigerator going.

I am the only guest at the campsite, so I was welcome to choose whichever campsite I wanted. #5 is nicely shaded, so I picked that one, after parking in #1 to use the toilets (which had no running water, so I used the waste bin and filled water from a nearby sink to flush it) and then realizing that leaving the car in the sun would be hot as I unpacked my stuff.

There are small birds sitting on a fence nearby. The fence has 5 or more parallel lines, so they can look like notes if I could shoot them. I may move over with my camera to see if they will line up again if I’m sitting quietly.

15.58

I repositioned myself and they all took off, as expected. Let’s see if they come back. I see their shadows, but they have not returned to the fence.

I’m not planning on doing anything more today, just relaxing and eating dinner at the restaurant here. They have a pool, but this does not particularly interest me. Organizing my stuff, as always, is not easy. The camper does have plenty of small cabinets, but I do have a lot of stuff.

The weather is very pleasant, 29C according to my watch, which I have set to take the temp from my location. I’m sitting in the shade in a t-shirt and long pants, very comfortable. There is a slight breeze and no bugs to speak of at the moment.

I am getting used to the 4x4. I am struggling to stop turning on the windshield wipers when I want to use a directional (directional on the right here, of course). It’s starting to sink in.

My thermos instructions warn to push the button to open the drinking hole only when the thermos is upright. I think I’ll learn that faster.

I just watched a meerkat watching me. I took a few uninspiring pictures, just to have something to do. I saw a larger pack running in the background. This lens is not going to win me any awards, not that I would seek them even if I thought it might. 300mm is just not long enough. But then, this trip is not really about the photography. The photography is just an excuse.

I am quite happy, sitting here on my own, drinking coffee, writing in my journal, listening to the wind and the sporadic sounds of the birds. I’m happy to be on the edge of the season and to have the campsite to myself.

I’m sure I would get tired of it eventually, perhaps even on this trip. We shall see. For now, it’s exactly what I wanted.

22.39

I don’t feel good about the refrigerator. The temp reads 21C and last I checked, when it read that earlier, it was not the least bit cold inside. I discovered that I cannot make calls with my MTC card, which is probably my own fault, since I only asked for Data. I will try to stop at an MTC shop tomorrow to see if I can get that worked out.

I had a nice dinner at the restaurant. 5 course menu (no options). Salad, which I did eat, shrimp, tomato, and cucumber appetizer, lentil soup, Onyx steak with beetroot, pasta, and pumpkin main course, and strawberry cheesecake for dessert. Yummy. I’m not going to lose weight on this trip if this keeps up. I only had a protein bar for lunch, which is not healthy, of course.

If the fridge is not cold tomorrow, I will need to discard the eggs and meat I bought, I think, and eat at the restaurant.

I took pictures this afternoon and then again after dark, to see if I can get some star shots. It’s a full moon, so it’s limited, but it was a good night to try.

All in all, a good first full day. Time for bed.

Day 3 - Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Stampriet 09.52

It definitely got cold last night, but not until after midnight. I pulled out the comforter at midnight, just in case, and was very glad to have it at 3am when I woke up. Will need to pack myself in a little better tonight and in the future.

The fridge still doesn’t work, and my iPhone isn’t able to call still.

The water has stopped to a drizzle and cooking took forever, but a friend pointed out that eggs do not require refrigeration. OK, cool.

Making coffee and will leave soon.

Keetmanshoop 19:08

Another long day and lessons learned.

Lesson: DO bring my extra cameras with me even though I don’t expect to use them. I wanted my 70D so that I could shoot with two lenses at once during the sunset. Oh well.

I found out that I can make calls with WhatsApp, so I have contacted the company. They promised to send someone, potentially with a new fridge. We shall see.

I skipped the cheetah feeding and just took pictures at the Quiver Tree “Forest”. I found the skeletal remains of a small rodent, probably a meerkat, with leathery skin still intact. I hope I got at least one good picture of it.

I filled my tank, which cost nearly 1000 N$, or about 500kr. I’ve picked what I hope to be a good spot for my camper. All off on its own. Lots of people showed up at about 17:45. I’m not sure if they are staying overnight, but they parked where I originally parked, so I’m glad I moved. I just discovered that I can use the outdoor chairs indoors, which helps a lot when I’m sitting and typing, probably also when I use the computer later to take a look at pictures. I expect the table is available indoors as well.

I’m trying to decide what I will do tonight.

At 5:45pm I took a break from pictures and thought I would have a coffee, but then I realized the sun will set soon, so I just took a protein bar break with water. I’m not allowed to eat at the restaurant, so I will have to decide if I want to make food, eat another protein bar, or fast tonight. First, I will use the toilet and take a shower.

Things to do:

1. Make my bed.

2. Repack my cameras.

3. Organize the new things I purchased.

4. Take a shower.

5. Take star pictures (still a full moon, but I paid for access into the park tonight, so I may as well try.

6. Transfer pictures to my computer.

7. Try to watch news? (Probably not worth it, internet is both slow and expensive).

8. Perhaps take a nap before taking star pictures.

Day 4 - Thursday, April 18, 2019

Keetmanshoop 06.26

More lessons.

Halving the bedding worked well, but I realized that placing myself on the outside edge puts me closest to the draft. I should put the top lower, and position myself diagonally, putting my head closer to the light switch, and giving me a little more leg room. I might also find a way to tuck myself in better.

I got up at about 5:45am and went out to pee, and found that with the moon gone, the stars are brighter. I took a couple of pictures but the sun is already coming up, so it would be better at about 3 or 4am I would guess.

Making coffee as I write. I ate a banana. Will need to buy more of them if there is another supermarket close by.

The light is nice, going out...

12.00

Yay! I have a new, and working fridge. Now I’m just worried that it is freezing everything.

I took more pictures and starting using my IR camera. Just finished with Giant’s Playground, going to drive to Ai Ais now.

Ai-Ais 16.45

OK, I made it. Whew!

I stopped a few times to take picture along the way, first of some horses (boring), next of a train bridge (pretty cool), and finally of an old abandoned car (with its fan still spinning). This is a “big” resort, with 10s of camping places. Some were in the sun (seemed too hot) and most in the shade had cars or tents in every other spot. I picked a spot that appeared to be fairly close to the restaurant and showers.

I did a little exploring. Exactly one shower in each shower building. I plan to take a shower soon.

My fridge claimed -7.3 when I checked it. I’ve turned it down and opened it to remove a few things, and it’s already back up to -6.6. I’ll eat in the restaurant today. They have Oryx and I think I’ll try it again. I can work on some pictures tonight, as I do not expect to explore at all here. Maybe, but I would like to relax after yesterday, last night, and this morning. I’m always demotivated by places where there are lots of other people.

I’m thinking:

1. Record arrival in my little book and review it. (DONE)

2. Shower. (DONE)

3. Set up bed.

4. Dinner (perhaps reverse order)

5. Transfer pictures to computer.

6. Bed fairly early.

17.33

I’ve updated 1 and 2. Restaurant doesn’t open for dinner until 18:00. I’m going to wait with setting up my bed as well.

I’m sitting in my camper on one of the chairs. I’m always afraid that people will think I’m a mass murderer. The people who have the misfortune of coming into contact with mass murderers always say, “He seemed nice. Kept to himself.” Introverts are dangerous. It is a little warm in here, though...

Think I will transfer pictures now.

18.57

Just finished dinner. The Oryx steak was even better here then at the Farm Campsite. It had fries and cooked veggies with it, and I finished all of the meat and veggies and most of the fries. And yet, I want dessert. It’s not that I’m very hungry. My stomach actually feels swollen. Yet, it was not difficult to convince myself that I could get dessert if I wanted to.

The chocolate cake just arrived. It’s huge and quite good.

Of course, I can have cake if I want it. I can accept my growing belly and whatever other consequences that follow. Other people have their own vices. Mine definitely include cake and other sweats. And I am far from alone in this. I’m also not alone in feeling guilt about my decisions.

Whether it is my catholic upbringing or just a personality trait I was born with, if I want something, I feel guilty about it.

My journey at the moment seems to have to do with accepting that I want things that part of me thinks I should not want.

20.29

Another, “Oh, shit!” Lesson learned moment. Actually, it’s lucky I discovered it today, although unlucky I didn’t discover it earlier.

It turns out that, somehow, as I was getting ready to take sunset pictures, I switched from RAW to JPG (Small!). Fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkk!

That means all the pictures with my 1DX from that point on are only small JPGs. That really sucks. I can see that I can probably still get OK (for web) images out of them using HDR or other techniques, but frustrating nonetheless. I have fixed it and figured out where to remember to look in the future just to make sure I don’t make the same mistake again. I’m not sure how I did it.

In any case, at least I figured it out and won’t continue. I didn’t take so many images today. Too tired now, however, to work on any more.

I at least seem to have gotten a good image from the Train Bridge and rusted old car. The star field pictures still don’t work, but if I keep trying most days I might get there eventually.

I haven’t made any “post card ready” shots yet. Not sure if I will. Still, it’s been fun, which is the important part. I enjoyed wandering around the Quiver Tree Forrest, both during the day, at night, and in the early morning. The infrared shots might be interesting. I have lost my original method of processing IR, however, so I can’t figure out how to get the effects I got with the Fantasy Forest image from NZ. Maybe when I get home.

Day 5 - Friday, April 19, 2019

Ai-Ais 07.46

Slight headache this morning, nothing terrible, as I set out. I’ve decided not to attempt to see any sights here. I’m not much of a canyon fan. It was a nice drive, and the next stop has more interesting sites, I hope.

Aus 16.12

I took some pills and the headache eventually lost its strength.

I “got lost” when I got to the new campsite. I actually got to the campsite without any issues, but I missed the reception when I drove by it, because it is several miles away. I asked a guy who happened to be walking from his camper and he said it was back, so I turned around, but didn’t understand that the reception building was much further back than I had expected. So I drove down several roads and was confused, but not really worried. I was quite early, but still a little late to make it to the diamond town (aka Kolmanskoop) today.

When I finally found reception and asked, they confirmed that I was too late, so after reserving a spot at the restaurant for dinner, I went back to the places I had seen while lost to do some shooting. I had seen some wild horses and managed to take some images of them grazing (just 3, two black and one white).

Driving so much is a little hard on my back. I can feel it threatening to give out on me. I have been exercising for less than 30 minutes a day, which is probably not good either, of course. Today, at least, I ventured a little ways away from the camper while I shot the horses. My green circle is at 19 minutes.

I saw lots of baboons today, while driving close to a river. Today’s drive was longer than expected. A good 5 hours. Tiring, but not impossible. I just need to be able to take a break for lunch and dinner and I should be fine.

I have yet to use any firewood and wonder if its purchase was rash. I may choose to BBQ yet, though, especially now that my fridge is more reliable and I can purchase raw meat. Tomorrow I would like to get a very early start, if I am going to shot at the diamond town. I should program in the destination in my GPS. I just wrote a reminder to do that every day.

I could use a nap. I may layout on my picnic table bench to see if that would work.

17.46

I did take a nap and it helped. Later I took a shower and planned my trip tomorrow. I can’t decide if I want to go to the diamond ghost town or straight to the next campsite. The notes suggested that the drive has photo points all along the way, but if you take too many pictures, you’ll arrive after dark.

I’m also considering star pictures. I have a thought that the moon is bothering pictures just after sundown, so an alternative approach could be to get back ASAP after dinner, set up the camper, sleep as quickly as I can, then get up at 3 or 4am to take pictures then.

The should help avoid any campers having their lights on. Then, if I manage to finish fairly quickly, I can pack up and drive by 6 or 7am. I could be at the ghost town by 8am, when they open, and buy a photographers pass. Shoot until 10am, max, and drive onwards, taking photos as I go.

I have also considered backtracking the next day, although I think that includes the dunes that I also want to shoot.

Difficult choices.

I think I will, however, try to visit the ghost town. I will skip the colorful German town, much as I’m tempted. It might not be a bad choice for some coffee and some form of breakfast.

I have about an hour until dinner. What to do until then?

18.01

I was wondering if I should sit at my sunbathed picnic table (after hiding in the shadow of my camper on an iron bench apparently for that purpose), when I decided to try. Before I managed to sit down, however, the sun went down behind a hill and now it is gone and quickly growing chilly. I have put my sweatshirt on. I bought a fleece at Fish River. I think I will appreciate it.

I’m thinking I could drive to the restaurant now, sit an use the internet as I wait for dinner... Seems like a good idea to me.

18.18

OK, I’m here, so it takes about 15 minutes to drive here, assuming I meet no other vehicles. I should ask if I can use their breakfast. They have wifi here, but you have to pay, and it is not worth it, in my opinion.

I’m hungry, and I have 40 minutes to wait until dinner starts. I have considered asking if they can make a mojito at the bar, but I am going to drive, so I should not drink, even if one drink before dinner would probably not be a problem.

I keep thinking that I should write more about myself and my thoughts, but whenever I sit down, I write trivial stuff instead.

Let me read what I have written so far.

18.36

Actually, I realized I could get free wifi and just downloaded some podcasts. I’m wondering if I can do the same with my iPad...

18.46

Yes, I could and I brought a few things offline (hopefully).

20.34

Done with dinner. It was quite good. I had a Zebra steak, which, I assume, is basically horse. Very good.

Everything set up in the car. Time for bed. If I wake up early enough, I will try for star photos.

I can eat breakfast at the restaurant at 7am. We’ll see if that’s too late.

Day 6 - Saturday, April 20, 2019

Aus 07.07

I woke at 3am again today, slightly before my alarm. My new way of arranging the sheets works well.

I checked out the window and the moon was full and high, so I dropped the idea of taking star pictures. I opened my big window eventually and was surprised at how bright it was outside. After a while. 3 horses walked by my camper.

I did get up at 5:50am and made it to the reception by 6:50. I’m finishing breakfast now and used the free wifi.

Time to run again.

Sesriem 17.29

Well, Kerry, I must say, well done.

By that, I mean, of course, deciding to go to the ghost town. I arrived here at 16:15, so I drove for about 9 hours, although albeit with a 2 hour break at the ghost town, perhaps a little less. I was not able to take one dirt road, because someone had put up a gate and locked it. Oh well, not that far out of my way. The scenery was nice, I took a few pictures along the way, but nothing to compete with the ghost town.

It’s has been 35C today, according to my car dashboard, although now my watch claims it is 19C (I don’t think it knows what it’s talking about. I’m wearing shorts for the first time this trip.

I have a nice campsite with an interesting old tree in the center of a stone circle with a small entrance. I needed 4WD to get in through the mini-sand dune.

I need to take a shower. The dry skin around my mouth looks terrible. I wanted a little break first and ate another yogurt. I am glad I kept them. I have not eaten any of the omelet meat after the first time, but I survived that time, so I believe I’ll be able to again. The fridge is working well. I have not eaten any of the tuna or tortillas, but I can imagine I can make a tuna wrap for dinner when I have no other options, so I am keeping them. I’ll eat in a restaurant again this evening.

It’s quite windy here. Glad I don’t need to try to cook with my little stove.

I do like using the camper. I wonder where else might be a good location to drive this way. NZ and Namibia seem obvious choices, but I don’t like repeating myself. Most of Europe would likely be too crowded for my tastes. I’m not sure if Africa suits me other than Namibia. We’ll see after this trip, I suppose. Chile or Argentina may be possible. The US? Nah. Canada? Perhaps...

21.36

Time for bed. I took more star pictures tonight. Got started before moonrise, which seemed to have helped, but there were small clouds that were actually interesting with the moon. Took some selfies today and was dismayed by my big gut. Still interesting that it’s smaller than most men, but still bothers me.

Day 7 - Sunday, April 21, 2019

Sesriem 06.04

I got up early, as planned and now I’m in line at the gate. I’m behind a bunch of other cars, but looks like less than 10. I don’t really know where to go, but I’m assuming that I can follow them.

It’s still quite dark, but the point is to get there at sunrise, so this is good.

Looks like there will be lots of people, more cars showing up behind me, even a big bus, it seems like.

Solitaire 14.54

Well, today’s drive was one of the shortest so far, but probably the hardest! Very bumpy and slow.

I decided to leave the desert with dead trees as soon as the sunrise was over, and I’m glad I did so. I took a few pictures at dune 45. There were 3 people walking towards it, they parked just before me. I practically ran beside them to get a few shots without anyone in the frame. They were nice enough to stop walking for a moment for me as I shot. Otherwise, I look forward to see what I got of pictures.

Driving in sand was challenging. I saw one car (with an older American couple in it) get stuck. They had not decreased their tire pressure and were digging themselves in. I stopped to check in on them, but a local in a shuttle with two passengers stopped and said they could ride with him and he’d pull them out later, so I took off again. I was glad for the example of where NOT to drive. Otherwise, my experience in Oman helped.

Today’s site is one of the best so far. There was only one other site with people when I arrived, but another couple just arrived. The site area is big, however, and I have a private toilet and bath.

I have signed up for a cheetah walk at 5:30pm and am trying for a hot air balloon ride tomorrow morning. It’s expensive, but might as well. I need to transfer my camera equipment to my other camera bag. There is a restaurant here as well, so I’ll have dinner there. I was thinking I’d have both dinner and breakfast, but I believe I’ll have breakfast with the hot air balloon if that happens, but it’s pretty windy, so they may decide not to do it after all. Win win. It’s pretty expensive, but could be nice images.

They have wifi here, but I don’t really need it. I’ll head back to my site.

15.45

I’m sitting outside to see if doing so is possible with the sun. I’m in the shade, of course, but there is still a pretty strong reflection of the sky behind me.

There are a few things I bought for this vacation that I don’t expect to use.

1. The hot water bottle.

2. My desert scarf.

Hmmm, that may be it.

Things that I bought that I’m using every day:

1. Coffee thermos

2. Water jug.

3. Protein bars.

4. Outlet adapters (OK, I only really need two, but I thought I was buying 3, so give me a break).

5. Hand sanitizer

6. Malaria and travelled pills (OK, can’t say that they are helping, but they aren’t hurting).

7. Window mount for my iPhone.

8. Flip flops. (OK, I probably don’t need them, but I’m using them since I have them... a bit like the pills).

9. Sweatshirt.

10. Puff jacket.

11. Heat holder socks.

Other things I am not using every day, but I’m glad I brought:

1. Teflon pan and spatula (I will leave them behind, but they are handy when making eggs.

2. Daypack (was good to pack my clothing in and will use it this afternoon.

21.37

Balloon trip cancelled, but I did take pictures of cheetahs. It is kind of embarrassing, because I used auto bracketing which shows off a bit. I got some good pictures, though. I had a nice conversation with a Italian/British couple and had dinner with them. I feel like I talked too much, though, as always.

21.56

Thinking about my conversation with the British/Italian couple. I think what bothers me is that I end up speaking too much and listening too little. I get too focused on wanting to either look good or hear myself speak. Then I spend more time afterwards second guessing myself, in particular thinking what the woman must think of me. Will need to continue thinking about how I could benefit from mindfulness to address this sort of issue.

Day 8 - Monday, April 22, 2019

Solitaire 07.51

I’m in a better mood today than I was last night. My over talkativeness, if it was that, has ceased to concern me.

I’m going to visit Walvis Bay and see how far into the dunes I can get, and look for flamingos if there are any (February is apparently high season).

I’ve checked the tide tables. Low tide 11:00, High tide 17:00. Do I dare risk it?

Swakopmund 15.23

Nope. Actually, it didn’t matter because it was very cloudy, so not good photography weather. I stopped, instead, in a mall and did my food shopping, realizing only too late that I won’t have power tonight, so my fridge may not stay cold enough to keep it (once again). I bought a steak and some sausages, hoping that it will motivate me to try burning some of the wood I foolishly bought on the first day. I got some more yogurt as well.

After opening the fridge once to put that and the milk in, I have not opened it again. It was at about 2 or 3C last I looked, so I hope it will stay cold enough until I start driving tomorrow. It’s not so hot outside, so perhaps that will be the case.

I’m in the Desert Breeze B&B tonight and it’s quite luxurious. Unfortunately, however, I was overly optimistic about laundry services. Of course, they don’t have time to do my laundry, so I’m out of luck. I’ve been wearing my shirts two days at a time, so less worries there, but my underwear may run out soon. I’m on day 8 and I have 4 or 5 pairs of underwear left. So I need 8 more. The question is whether there will be other opportunities for laundry, or if I should consider buying 8 pair somewhere.

I’ll brood on it some more.

As for the fridge, there is a fridge in my room, so if I check on the other and it has begun to warm before I go to bed, I can transfer the meet to keep it cold all night.

There are less clouds now, though I’m not sure how long that will last. I’m hoping for star pictures tonight here, if the moon rises late. Otherwise, I’m going to relax. They have no restaurant here. I’m thinking that I’ll have my protein bar, some nuts, and a banana (perhaps a yogurt as well if I’m still hungry).

I had a shower already. There is a fireplace in the room, which I may lite.

17.38

I have checked all the coming camp sites to get their GPS coordinates. I can see that there are two options to drive between sites in the national park, one shorter one longer. I’m wondering if the longer one might not be interesting.

21.06

I haven’t decided whether I should go back to Walvis Bay to buy underwear. I haven’t left the room since I got everything out of the truck. It’s cloudy again, so no need to take pictures. I’ve been working on some. Will need time to consider them, though.

Day 9 - Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Swakopmund 06.39

I woke up before my alarm again, but not much earlier, pretty much at 6am. It’s quite luxurious to be in a BnB rather than the camper. The bed is comfortable and I put a furry blanket over the duvet, so I’m toasty warm.

After waking and checking my various apps, I looked at the map to see if I could find a place to buy underwear here and when they opened. I was happy to see that a place called Mr. Price appears to have packs of three for under 200 N$, so I think I’ll take that option. It’s quite close to a Pick & Pay, so I can pack nearby and hit both if I fear my meat has gone bad.

I am reading the Singlism book and, perhaps, that has me thinking more again about being single as a good thing, rather than a sign of weakness which I think has been hurting me for a while.

On a morning like this, I’m quite happy to wake up alone, comfortable, able to do what I want to do when I want to do it.

The conflict is that I know it can be nice to have someone to share things with. I know also, of course, the opposite can be true.

A study I just read about suggested that singles are more likely to want to change their relationship status, but then also pointed out that if a couple wants to change their relationship status, they can do so fairly easy (become single), or, at least, doing so is within their unilateral power. Going from single to a couple requires (at least for me) consent of the other half of the couple. Plus it requires finding a good fit.

So while it makes sense that, sometimes, being in a couple brings joy (and other emotions), I don’t want to let my relationship status stop me from doing things that I enjoy.

I remember wanting to find a book to help me learn how to travel as a single person. The only books I could find were for Single WOMEN. I decided that single men are just expected to figure it out. So I did.

I might find myself thinking, “Well, if I want to read that book, I can just write it myself.” The life of an author, however, is mostly about promoting the book, and that doesn’t really appeal to me.

I have a podcast to listen to today that promises to explain why “no one feels rich”. Now that’s interesting. Is it true? Does no one feel rich today?

In a way I feel a little rich, in that I can just do what I want without concern for money. I worry more about gaining weight or how much time I have available (usually in a given day, not so much in the big picture of things). I may think that something sounds expensive, but then don’t let that stop me (like the balloon ride).

I am not taking any flights or helicopter trips, but mostly because I think they would be boring.

I’m trying to decide if I want to take a tour of the Himba tribes. What bothers me is the thought that you need to pay them for each picture. That doesn’t worry me in terms of the cost. Just that I don’t take pictures that way. I will decide when I get to that point. I saw that you can arrange for a private trip, if you book 3 days in advance at one location. I might actually be able to do that, but I don’t like the feeling of it. Rather than examine what’s going on, I’ve just decided it’s not for me.

I heard on one of the happiness podcasts that Finland and Denmark are at the top of the “Happiness scale” again this year and the reasons stated have to do with Trust in Government (lack of corruption), but also the fact that they don’t care too much about competition.

Fins (and Danes) do not like to show their success with obvious displays of wealth. I also remember that today, displays of wealth are often more related to travel and leisure time.

It’s cloudy this morning. No reason to take pictures at sunrise. Ahhh. :o)

I can get breakfast from now until 9am or 9:30. Perhaps I should get up. I could get food first and shower later.

09.13

About to leave. I had breakfast and showered afterwards. I like having the breakfast room to myself. I noticed, as I notice quite often on this trip and before, that I have lots of dry, flaking skin around my mouth and nose, plus the back of my ears. This has been going on for a long time, but is getting worse with my beard, which I’m assuming is due to using shampoo on the beard and stripping away natural oils. Not sure what to do, but will try to see a doctor about it when I get home.

15.22

I’ve been at Spitzkoppe for a couple of hours now. It’s a cool place. Lots of campsites, but all pretty much spread far apart. I’m in 17A, which is my first choice and one of the first sites I saw. I drove around to see most of the other sites, but had my heart set on this one, so I’m glad it worked out. The only annoying thing is there are lots of flies buzzing around, but they seem to be losing interest in me (although who knows how long that will last). I have put my mosquito net on my head, over my hat. That allows me to relax without fear that they are biting me on my head or neck, so I can ignore them a little easier.

There is no electrical hookup here, so I’ll need to use the fire to prepare my steak at the very least. I don’t know if I have a grill metal grate, though. There is none here.

The bugs are back. But they seem to come and go. I may put a long sleeve shirt on soon, despite the heat. It’s not bad in the shade, actually.

I actually have 4 bars of network and an Edge signal, but looking for podcasts is very slow. Don’t expect much. I don’t have power, so I should be careful. I do have my powerbank, of course, and 76% on my iPhone and 86% on my iPad, plus 77% on my watch, so I should be OK.

I picked this spot hoping that it might be good for star pictures. There are two “rock/hills” beside me, which can both give good foreground and, hopefully, shielding from light sources.

20.20

My star pictures appear to be getting a little better. Today there was no moon and I found that by about 8pm the images were looking good. That’s surprisingly early. I’m a little worried, however, about the fact that my camper looks completely open when the windows down and lights on, when seen from outside. I was also getting nervous about the possibility of wild animals in this park. I don’t think there are any, at least, I did not see any warnings, but who knows. I wonder if I should close my windows... I’m also thinking I should not leave again until it is light.

That worries me for the next campsite, where, supposedly, there can be both lions and elephants. Hmmmm.

The nice thing about taking star pictures here is that at least it is warm out. It will likely be cold tonight, but at the moment, I’m comfortable in a sweatshirt. I’ve taken my shoes off now and my feet are comfortable. Also, the bugs are not out any longer.

I went for a short walk earlier and found lots of interesting trees. I should try to remember to go out after sun rise to see if I can shoot them.

I must say, this is turning out to be quite the nice part of the vacation. This is a nicely secluded camp site. I did not make a fire. We’ll have to see if I ever do. If I don’t, I can leave the wood at the last campsite. I’m staying there two nights, so perhaps I’ll try there.

I’ve seen a few unexpected animals. There were a couple small deer like creatures, one with spikes on (his?) head and the other without. I was able to take a few pictures of them. I’ve shot ostriches as well, and a lizard or two.

One issue that I just thought of today... I won’t have access to power for the next night, and possible next several nights. I can charge my iPhone, but not my camera batteries. One of my 1DX batteries just ran out of power. I could have charged it last night, but did not think to do so. I hope the remaining battery, which is at 100%, holds out for me. If not, I may have to use my 70D, which, at least, seems to have 1 or 2 available batteries.

Day 10 - Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Spitzkoppe 09.28

I got up before sunrise to take pictures and had a great time. I hope some of them also came out well. I took a few selfies, just to see if I can find a postcard to send to people.

I made myself eggs and ham in a wrap for breakfast. All seems good.

Going to get a shower before heading on to my next site.

Done showering

Bumpy ride

Lions and Tigers and Bears!
Or, actually, Lions and Elephants — Lions and Tigers and Bears! Or, actually, Lions and Elephants

Ugab 16.51

I made it to Ugab after a little excitement.

I had to argue with my GPS about where I was going to go after my shower. It wanted me to head back into the camp, while I felt certain that I should leave the way I came in. Eventually, it stopped asking me to turn around and accepted my view of things.

About 15 km before reaching the coast road, I came upon a truck along the side of the road with three people waving me down. The people were a woman and two men, it turned out a family with a teenaged son. They had a flat tire and needed help. Feeling nervous that this may suddenly turn into a different scene, I decided to be the one who would help them. The flat had a slow leak, they claimed, so I pumped it up with the electric pump that came with this car.

The woman admitted they had been there all night and asked if I had water. I gave them one of my 5 liter jugs which was a bit more than half full.

Then they admitted that the battery was dead. So I towed them to get it started, which worked surprisingly fast. Then they pointed out that the tire was flat again. I worried that the tire would not hold air for very long, but agreed to allow them to fill it again, which took longer this time.

The woman now claimed that they had no money to fix the tire when they got to the town. I told them we could see about that when we got there. To be honest, I wondered if this part was true or if they just figured that they would get out of me what they could.

Once the tire was over 2 bar, I told them to get in the car, I would detach the pump and they could drive immediately.

We did that and I caught up with them about 8km later with the tire flat again. We filled it another time, this time it went faster, and they made it to the town.

They drove to a gas station and I filled my tank as they got the tire pumped up again. A tire repair shop was across the street, so they took the car over there, but first the woman and her son, and later just the son, waited for me. I drove over after rejecting a plea from another guy with stones (did I write about the fact that 3 men sold me stones by the shipwreck?) I gave them 300 N$ for 4 stones, knowing full well that I was paying much more than they were worth, but I figured it was my contribution to Africa.

Well, I made another contribution today. It took a long time to repair the tire, and I knew they were waiting for me to pay. I didn’t mind helping, but there were limits to how far my generosity in time and money could stretch. Eventually, I told the woman I had to leave, so if they wanted my help, I needed to know what it was going to cost. The son had asked earlier and the guy doing the work said he would decide when they were done. Now he asked again and got the answer 120 N$. OK, I gave the woman 200 N$ and we said our goodbyes.

I have given them my “ThePhotoGuy.dk” business card. They promised to send me an email to say thank you. Fun fun.

The rest of the drive was uneventful. I saw no one on the road to the Ugab camp and stopped once to take pictures of the huge dead looking plants. The drive got more difficult on the last 3km to the park and I realized about 600m from the park that I should have put my video on. I turned it on then and have a short video, but not on the most difficult parts. I will put it on tomorrow.

I signed in on a blank sheet for today and there is only one other camper here.

There are signs to warn of both lions and elephants, camping at your own risk. I can’t decide if I should leave the windows to my bed area open or closed. If open, won’t it make it easier for the lions to smell me? Will they appear like an open tent? There is a screen, but this would not stop a lion if it wanted to get in.

I’m thinking that leaving them partially open, so I can at least look out, while closed enough to look less inviting might be a good compromise.

I parked in one spot upon arrival, walked around, then choose a different location. I set most everything up then made coffee. Heating the water took 10-15 minutes! That’s probably because it was so windy.

I ate a banana, two yogurts, and some peanuts. Earlier, on the road, I had a protein bar. My plan for dinner is a tuna wrap. I’ll buy more tuna next time I get the chance. I have the meat and the fridge is staying at about 2-3C, but I still have no metal grill to BBQ with. Must buy one of those as well.

I’m considering a shower. There only seems to be one and it’s a ways away from where I eventually parked. I’ve only exercised for 14 minutes, so that would be a good way to get that ring closed. I don’t dare take star pictures tonight here. I do not know when lions and elephants are likely to prowl.

I have taken the little hatchet out of the under-bed storage. Not that I expect it to really help me if a lion decides to break in, but it may make me feel slightly less vulnerable.

Tonight I think it’s worth seeing if I can make a postcard worth sending.

I’m considering that shower now...

18.42

I took the shower and walked about taking pictures with my iPhone. I bought a little statue of an elephant and put the 250 N$ into a water bottle beside them. I hope that was the idea. I walked for a good 15 minutes, but that only earned me 5 minutes of exercise time, and I’ve decided that I’m not leaving my cab again until sunrise. I’m hoping I don’t need to use the toilet.

3 additional 4x4s just arrived, which provides more bait for the lions, so hopefully this makes me safer.

I finished a selfie and now I’m printing 14 copies as postcards (assuming the battery holds out on my printer). That coincides to the 14 people on my list.

Day 11 - Thursday, April 25, 2019

Khowarib 18.53

Eventful day!

Where to start.

19.07

Oops, slight delay because my appetizer arrived. It was quite nice. I’m at the restaurant at the Khowarib campsite. I’m actually not expected here until tomorrow, but the Mowani campsite was overbooked, so the agency booked me for two nights here.

I’m sharing a spot with a South African couple, Annelise and Gerhard (?), after the original site they booked me in turned out to be assigned to someone else, and they wanted to put me into a site that this couple was already in. They had a conversation over the phone and the couple explained that they could not fit well in another site, so I agreed to take another one. After a moment, however, they suggested that I take a spot in their site that was actually quite nice, so that’s what I did.

We’ve been talking all afternoon (they offered a cup of coffee), but I had already booked dinner in the restaurant. I’m enjoying talking with them, but it’s nice to have a moment to write.

So, I left Ugab fairly early. I decided not to write once the car was packed up, because I did not want to be behind the three cars that pulled in late yesterday evening. I figured they must be driving the same direction as me, and I figured that it would be good to have someone behind me if I got a flat.

The route was indeed challenging, but luckily not so bad as the one I had seen in videos.

After the initial part, with sharp rocks, the terrain changed several times, at times gravel, other times rocks again, plus deep sand. During the sand part, my GPS mentioned elephants, but I had not seen any for a long time. Then I saw a tourist bus, plodding through the sand as I did as well. I passed it on the right, going faster, thinking that I did not need to see an elephant and wishing them luck.

I had been thinking about whether I would see an elephant and, to be honest, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to or not. I had seen several animals through the day, first antelopes, then deer, and then ostrich. What I had heard about river elephants, however, made me think it was safest not to see any, unless it was at a distance.

Well, of course, then I saw one. I didn’t realize until I was fairly close. I was driving about 20kph through the sand and it was standing not he side of the riverbed in the shade of a tree. It felt very close, but I’m sure I exaggerated when telling the story to Gerhard later. I knew, however, that I had my long lens on my camera and the sand was fairly deep. If I stopped, there was no telling if the animal would be angry, or whether I would be able to get moving again quickly if it did.

I decided to keep moving and let it go.

I had gotten a bit lost in the sand, actually, I can’t remember if it was before or after the elephant. At one point, I tried to turn around, but couldn’t, and forged onwards, which turned out to be the right thing to do.

As I pulled out of the sand and hardest 4x4 part of the trip, I got a message saying that I needed to go to tomorrow’s campsite, which I have done, as I wrote above. When I arrived here, it turned out that I had a slow leak in one of my tires. Luckily, two guys helped repair it. I did not know if I should tip them or pay them or what. I tried tipping them 50 N$ each, but they asked for another 100. How embarrassing! I paid that, but now only have 200N$ left. Felt very foolish.

Oh, well, I’m over it now.

23.17

Long night talking to Annelise and Gerhard. I revealed more than I “should”, which I have a habit of doing, leaving me open to their philosophy, which is perhaps what I want. They are religious, not surprisingly, and we got into discussions about “Grace”. I wondered aloud of what makes people make bad decisions.

We did get to the generalized answer that focusing on one thing (money, passion, desire for a single mother to find a father for her son after her divorced husband died) rather than a holistic view, seems to be the answer, and not getting what we needed at some stage in our lives, can lead to that single mindedness. Their solution was “Grace”, which, I suppose, means accepting that you are worthwhile and you deserve love and for things to get better. I can agree with that.

I ended the evening telling my story of helping the family beside the road. I admitted that I felt vulnerable to both attack (at first) and being scammed (as the event wore on). Gerhard said, “When I’m in a situation like that, I think, if this is a scam, that’s on them.”

A good point. Like how I feel about a woman being raped. That’s on the rapist, not on the clothing she wore.

In any case, we ended amicably and I feel fine about the conversation.

Gerhard pointed out that my patched tire may not hold for very long, and I realized that I need to call the agency about it tomorrow.

Day 12 - Friday, April 26, 2019

Khowarib 07.20

Slept late today, and when I saw Gerhard, he commented that I was up early. I laughed and said that’s true.

I think I avoid people because I let them define my reality.

Some of the things we talked about last night, however, did resonate. They talked about a woman who colored her hair and slept with many men, pointing out that this was an attempt to make herself feel attractive to men. I have struggled with my own sense of being attractive to women.

The woman they talked about learned eventually to stop these bad choices, got married, and now happily lives with two children and her husband. Yay. Happy story.

So what is my story? Can I define it?

Gerhard and Annelise felt confident making a judgement after few questions or bits of information. I can be a bit more timid. I let doubt simmer for a bit longer, despite the fact that it can be more uncomfortable, or perhaps, because it is.

I had started our conversation with wondering why some people seem to make poor decisions, while others do not. That’s probably not a question that we can answer either.

The Poisonwood Bible provides a good case study of how lives that start at the same point can take divergent paths. Did the different sisters make bad choices? Or did they make the right choices for them? Do we define bad choices by the pain the comes afterwards? Or is pain inevitable, for some?

08.13

I moved over to the reception area, which was empty, so that I could attempt to contact the rental agency about the tire. Luckily I sat far on the edge. The area filled up slowly, and it turned out that this is the meeting place for the Himba trip. Hopefully they will leave soon. They must assume that I will be going with them, though perhaps not, because I do not have a pack or camera with me.

I saw Gerhard and Anne Lise leaving to go on their bird drive. Gerhard looks to have a 600mm lens, so I should not brag about my own equipment. He joked that he did not want to show his pictures to me, and I pointed out that, while I studied Art and Photography at university, I love the fact that everyone has cameras now, because it’s interesting to see how everyone sees the world.

The Himba trip is leaving now. Yay!

I’m not sure what I will do today, although I am not worried about it.

There is a stream nearby and it will not be in sunlight for a long time. After driving every day so far, I am happy to have a relaxing day. I might work on pictures or go hiking. The only concern, of course, is that hiking could expose me to dangers I am not aware of... I will ask if there are trails I could take on my own.

18.44

I’m early at dinner, but I’m not the first. I’ve put on my mosquito proof shirt, which is a bit hot, because it’s about 32C, but I want to avoid being bit and I was popular with them last night. It will surely cool down now that the sun has set.

A group of people have moved into campsite 5 and will be there for several days, but promise to make it easy for me to get out of my spot tomorrow. I see several escape routes which are different than they way I got in, which is now blocked by one or both of their vehicles. They seem like a nice group, though, very international. At least one woman from Zimbabwe, though she speaks with a British accent, and a man who speaks with a French accent. The other man and woman did not have obvious accents to me.

I’ve had a relaxing day. I filled out all my postcards and checked the pictures I took today. I was able to sit in the shade for a couple of hours after I took a nap, then Annelise and Gerhard arrived at about 4pm and we started talking again. Eventually, I moved closer. They are easy to talk to and I avoided the religious discussion this time.

The people in the other site invited me for a drink, so perhaps I will join them as well. They were quite curious about my camper, so I showed it off to them. They had opinions, though were obviously considering it as an option for themselves, so I did not feel offended by what they liked or did not like.

18.57

I broke down and ordered a Gin and Tonic to have with my dinner. My second today. Quite the alcoholic. I may have chosen to order it because the waitress(?) who approached me, who I did not see last night, is quite cute, although, to be honest, I’m not sure which gender I should assign. I’ll stick to female. She has long braids, some of which are purple, and purple lipstick. I commented that I liked the purple, which brought a smile.

20.21

I’m back at my camper after a reasonably good meal. It’s quite warm tonight. Still 27C. I will not need several layers of blankets. In fact, they would be a problem as I go to sleep. Things might cool down considerably during the night, however, which puts me at a disadvantage. We’ll see.

My bed, which is modestly shielded from Annelise and Gerhard, is open to the people on the other side of me. This means that I presume that they can see directly in as I sit on my bed now and write, even though I only have my blue lights turned on. It’s too early to sleep, even for me, and they seem to be just getting going on dinner. I have rudely made a beeline for my camper, ignoring the invitation from one to share a drink with them. I do not know how the evening will turn out yet.

Even so, it was too warm and I took my pants off, so now I’m sitting in my underwear and a t-shirt. The mosquito proof shirt was not really necessary, but I like it nonetheless. As I move further north, things will only get hotter, apparently. Oh well.

I am reading many books at the moment, including:

1. Two David Sedaris books of essays.

2. A sci-fi Paradox time traveling “mystery/thriller” (of mediocre quality)

3. A sci-fi space cowboy romp (of mediocre quality)

4. A John Hodgeman humorous spoof book (high quality but best taken in small bites)

5. A Pete Buttigieg political memoir (of mediocre quality)

6. The Poisonwood Bible (actually finished recently)

7. A book about spirituality (quite interesting)

8. A book about Singlism (mostly short blog posts and articles by many authors)

9. A series of books that talk about what we learn from studying primates.

Half are audio books and half are kindle books, so I can read and listen as seems appropriate, whether I’m driving or having dinner.

The spiritualism book addresses some of the challenges I face emotionally, as does the Singlism book. It’s not anything new, but reading the same thing from multiple perspectives helps stabilize my thoughts.

The point that our two brain halves seem to each have their own consciousness, a point that becomes obvious in patients that get the connective cable between the two severed, in particular reminds me that we do have competing minds.

Gerhard’s focus on making good or bad choices troubled me, and I wonder if this was a sign of a disagreement between my two brain halves. Very difficult to say, of course, but I can observe and make note of my experience.

I have noted today that I often cannot resist social interactions, but find myself feeling worse after having had them, even if I feel OK while having them. This can feel quite confusing. I notice that, after some interaction, I generally want time to myself. I then feel a bit selfish for taking that time.

Day 13 - Saturday, April 27, 2019

Opus 13.45

I’m already in my next location, a luxurious Bed & Breakfast. I got here early, on purpose, on the hope that they could do some laundry for me, and that worked out. I’ve handed over two t-shirts, a polo, and five pairs of socks.

Now I’ve had a shower and transferred the few pictures I have in my camera over to my computer, all before normal checkin hours. I’m thinking I’ll go up to the “bar” and have a latte while sorting through pictures and downloading podcasts using their wifi.

This area of Namibia has lots more people, mostly living in tin shacks beside the road (at least, the ones I see) and hoping to sell something to tourists driving 4WDs. They wave to slow me down and I wave and smile. I did stop for one family, but it was tourists in a 4WD themselves. I thought they needed help, but they claimed just to be taking a nap. They were French (at least the husband sounded that way).

I gave Gerhard one of my PhotoGuy cards and he said I could stay with them if I came to South Africa, and they would work out a good tour for me. Perhaps I’ll try that. He suggested that the country is not so dangerous as one might think watching the news.

I know, of course, that they are religious and that may get on my nerves if I stay with them, but it’s a nice offer nonetheless.

13.59

OK, now I’m out by the pool. It’s, perhaps, a bit too bright. I want to download a podcast, and it’s going pretty quickly. Now I’m trying 3 simultaneously. They are working fairly well as well.

I’m struggling to find where to sit. I’ve ended up, after 3 tries, at a comfy chair island outside. I’ve tried a standard table outside, a table inside, and now this. It’s a little too bright, but otherwise fairly pleasant.

And now my coffee has come. Only steeple coffee with milk and sugar, but one must accept hardship when life presents it. I had a protein bar before coming up, so that I won’t be tempted to order something to eat. I can wait until 18:30, when dinner starts. Breakfast tomorrow is from 6:30 to 9am. Just jotting these things down so that I will remember.

There are other tourists here. A middle aged couple perhaps a little younger than me. A pair of women probably in their 20s. A couple of guys about the same age. And now a teenager that took there spot after they apparently went for lunch.

I figure, if I’m going to stay in a B&B for a night, I might as well enjoy the luxury. It’s quite hot again. My watch claims 33C, though it feels as though it must be hotter in the sun.

My downloads started out OK, but have slowed drastically. Perhaps due to throttling, which would make sense. I’ve stopped all and started a single one again. It has not started, which suggests that I may have already met my quota for that device. That’s OK if that’s the case.

So this area seems to have a lot more poverty. Perhaps I am influenced by Gerhard, who mentioned that it’s sad to see an area where people are driven to begging as a way of living.

I’m trying to decide if I should bother trying to get gas here or just wait until I get to Epupa Falls.

Ah, yes, I wanted to check maps.

14.40

OK, looked through them. I was hoping that I could avoid getting gas here, but I don’t see a station at Epupa Falls, so I need to. I don’t really need to shop, although buying something to grill meat with would be good, or some more tuna. I’ll have to do that tomorrow early then.

I was afraid, earlier today, that I had inadvertently taken the road to the “Pass” (forgot the name), that is very popular for 4 wheelers and very difficult. That slowed me down for a while. I saw signs for elephants, but did not see any. I stopped to take pictures of other things and got beeped at by at least two 4x4s passing me. I had not even noticed them before. Oops.

I saw monkeys, but did not get any pictures of them. Saw horses, did not bother shooting them. Saw cattle, deer, and donkeys and shot each of them. Saw huge ant or termite hills and shoot one, then realized that it looks like an erection when I put it into my computer. Oh, well.

I still wonder about this dual brain idea. The point that Sam Harris (?) makes is that the bandwidth of the connection between the brain halves does not have enough bandwidth to share all information. Therefore, our right hemisphere, which does not have language, may be conscious of things that our left hemisphere, which does have language, may not be aware of. This could help explain why I have noticed previously, that sometimes it’s best to try to understand ourself from our actions, more than our thoughts, as we might try to understand another person. This could make sense for activities led by the right hemisphere.

Research shows that our left hemisphere will invent a story for activities the right does, when the real explanation seems clearly to be different than the one the left provides.

If the right decides to do something that the left is not informed of (because of the limited connectivity), does the left come up with a “reasonable explanation”?

I have 4 more podcasts to download. Then I will return to my room.

It’s too bright out here to work on pictures. My room will be better.

For now, perhaps I will read more.

16.48

Wow. I came back to my room at 3:30pm and decided to take a half hour nap. I woke up at 4:30pm and feel completely wiped out. I’m now sprawled on two wicker chairs trying to decide if I should go back to the car to get a yogurt and my box of snacks. Not that I want to eat all the snacks (I’ve already had my protein bar for today), but more because it is so hot outside.

Also, there is no coffee in the room. I have already had coffee as well, but I am thinking perhaps I should make one tomorrow before I leave. There may not be electricity at the Epupa Falls campsite.

17.01

Oh, yes, I was thinking I might want to grab my tripod, but I think the view from my balcony is not really inspiring. So I won’t bother with that. I think I’ll skip the yogurt as well.

I’m listening to a podcast regarding how a publisher does photographic reviews. I don’t have any ambition for such a review, because I don’t actually want to learn anything from it.

Which brings up an interesting question. Is there anything that I want to achieve with my photography?

I still think the answer is that I’m not really trying to achieve something with it, it is rather something I do to spend my time.

But, I still know that sometimes I think I have “succeeded” while other times I have not. Am I trying to impress people? Or am I trying to impress myself?

I often think that I’m just trying to justify whatever it is that I have decided to do. For instance, this trip. I could, of course, just say that I’m going to Namibia for 22 days. Period. I don’t have to explain why. I just decided that’s what I’m going to do.

I recognize, however, that many people want to know WHY. I suppose I want to know WHY as well.

Rather than find the real reason, I have put photography into that spot. I can say, well, I’m going to take landscape photography. But when I say that, then I feel like I had better get some impressive images, otherwise people will think that I failed. And by people, I suppose I mean, me.

But am I really here to take pictures? Or am I here to prove to myself that I can spend 22 days in Namibia without dying?

In a sense, that was what worried me most about this trip. That is, that I might do something stupid and get eaten by a lion, or stranded somewhere for days, or attacked by a criminal element, or who knows what.

Perhaps earlier in my career as a solo vacationer, my fear was that I wouldn’t like it. That trip to Vermont and Montreal, I was afraid that I would not like it, and this would mean that I was destined to be unhappy (until and unless I could find another relationship to replace my failed marriage with Christine). Whereas, if I could enjoy myself, then I no longer needed a relationship to be happy.

Talking to Gerhard, I was afraid that he might convince me that allowing my relationship with Christine to end showed my failure.

So, I am afraid of failure, it seems, or of believing that I have failed. Why so?

Because believing I have failed is quite uncomfortable.

That could be why, when Lars Rhode said I was so cool, I felt so vulnerable. Because I know it shows something that I do not believe to be true. I am just trying to stay between that wish for validation, and the fear of... what would be the opposite of validation? Rejection?

I’m looking for the opposite of respect. The opposite of the conviction that you have made the right choice. The opposite of believing that you are OK as you are.

By surviving this trip, by enjoying this trip, I am proving to myself that I know myself. That I do not need to do things the way others do them or believe they must be done.

The fear that I face most often is the fear of being told that I am wrong about something that feels right. The fear that I cannot trust myself.

When I take photographs, I want to succeed in taking a photograph that I like looking at and that I feel proud of. That’s usually it. I don’t care much if other people like it or not, except when I’m taking pictures of a woman. Then I do hope that she likes it. With professional models, I hope she’ll say that she likes it, but I don’t really trust her, since part of her job is to convince photographers to take pictures of her, and most will recognize that photographers will do more of that if the model praises their work.

This shows something else though. It shows that I often do not trust others to be honest to me. That, I’m sure, is partially a reflection of experience, and partly a reflection of the fact that I know I’m not always honest myself.

As Gerhard might say, that’s on them. What’s important is that I am honest with myself.

The reason I’m not interested in a photographic review, is that no one else can tell me if I have succeeded in creating something that I feel proud of. They can tell me if they like it. Perhaps they can show how much they value it by assigning a monetary value to it. But they can’t tell me if I have succeeded in producing something that I am proud of.

19.09

Several interesting experiences tonight.

1. I decided to take a few pictures and ended up shooting until dinner time.

2. I left my balcony after taking a bunch of sunset pictures, but before the sunset was “done”.

3. I discovered that the “best” place to shoot the sunset was up at the swimming pool, where others were.

4. I saw a couple cockroaches on some grilled veggies by the meat being grilled.

5. I ate dinner very fast.

6. I hadn’t noticed dessert until I was already leaving, so skipped it.

I’m actually glad to have skipped dessert. The waitress was surprised and was much bigger than me, so my comment that I feared dessert while patting my stomach seemed a bit mean. I followed it up with, “I know, silly me.”

But I am glad to not add any more fat to what is already too fat in my eyes.

I found that I liked a scene on the balcony. I shot it once, in HDR, then put the pictures on my computer to see if they worked, and they didn’t. So I went back out again with a little more patience and shot the same scene as the light shifted through the clouds. Then I noticed a turtle crawling about in my back yard and shot it, first from the balcony, then down on its level, then back down again a little later. I shot it in both HDR and just straight, because it moved quite a bit. We shall see.

The sunset then started to get interesting, so I shot it for a while until the sun was completely below the horizon and bright yellow light bathed the sky and clouds directly about two low peaks of the hills in front of the sun as it went down.

Knowing full well that there would be nicer light, I stopped and went to dinner, both because I was hungry and having consciously decided that I wanted to avoid getting there “too late”, even though it was still before 7pm and dinner only started at 6:30pm.

Once I got there, the sunset had indeed grown much more beautiful, and I saw that people were shooting it as reflected in the infinite swimming pool. A much nicer shot than from my balcony. I found this sweetly ironic, in the sense that I felt a little superior to all those that I initially saw shooting with their phones or a smaller camera, and yet, they will have the more compelling shot. I could have take it with my iPhone, but I chose not to.

Why?

Because I hadn’t see it myself. I only noticed the option because they were doing it. I had to admit, it’s a great idea. I would not, however, feel proud of the images if I had managed to join in.

I want images to reflect what I discovered. I like images that I haven’t seen done by someone else. It’s true, I took pictures in the ghost town, including some that I remember that Lee took and I admired. I’m not sure if I will like the final result, but even if I get something worth publishing, I won’t feel as good about it as other pictures I took that day that were not like any of his that I remember.

I did want to go there because I had seen images from others and it seemed like a place I wanted to see.

So it’s a bit of a paradox.

The light continues to evolve with the sunset, but I don’t want to shoot it any more. We’ll see if I get any finished images from those that I took. That will be enough.

20.43

I worked on a couple of the turtle pictures and they seem to to have turned out nice. I did not expect any turtle pictures on this trip, so that’s a nice surprise.

Damn. There is a mosquito in my room. That is something I’ve managed to avoid in my camper all this trip, but for a room this size, it’s harder. I hear it buzzing by my ears, but my eyesight is not good enough to actually see it. I’ve tried to turn on as many lights as possible, hoping that will help. We shall see. I did not think to bring my mosquito net with me. I may have to try to sleep with it in my ears, which typically is one of the biggest challenges I can face.

This would be a good exercise of my meditation skills.

I did not bring my mosquito repellant either, though it smells so badly that I wouldn’t really want to lather it on my face just before bed.

I’m sitting in front of a mirror and still find the image of my bearded self changes my appearance drastically. I look much older, that’s certain, although this is probably mostly to my own eyes.

Yay! I managed to kill a fly. I’m not sure if it was a mosquito, but it definitely is the type that would buzz around making me think it was. That’s good. Let’s see if I see any others. This place has not impressed me for it’s hygiene. Cockroaches on the grilled veggies, something in the thatch roof of my room that appears to be dropping small pellets of excrement on one of the beds. I switched from that bed when I took a nap. I’m hoping my new chosen bed is immune to that. The fridge, I just noticed, is turning the two small bottles of water to ice. I’ve taken them out.

The shower is fine, though, so it will do.

The pool picture story still interests me. Am I saying that I’m not willing to learn from others? Or that I don’t want to copy them?

I do want to learn from them, and to be honest, I’ve copied plenty, or used them as inspiration if you prefer. I’m just most excited by discovering something on my own, like the turtle.

It’s 9pm. I think I will sleep now.

Damn. I turned out all the lights and a bug just flew by me. Not ready for bed yet after all. At least I didn’t hear it. I only saw it. It’s mostly the sound that bothers me. I’ve turned on more lights to see if I can see this one as I type a bit more.

Back to my face, which I see in the mirror. It’s interesting how facial hair, or any hair, really, changes how we see ourselves. I imagine women must experience this when coloring their hair. I still like my beard, and I still think it doesn’t really look like me. I still don’t know who it looks like, though, so apparently, it is me.

Day 14 - Sunday, April 28, 2019

Opus 07.18

Waking up in a real bed for the last time this trip. Actually, with the bugs and heat of my room, I will actually enjoy sleeping in the camper more, I think. I suppose it may continue to be hot as I go north, but I hope to avoid bugs.

Breakfast was nothing amazing.

Oh, yes, I must consider whether I want to make coffee for myself. I also need to see what time the supermarket opens. It is Sunday.

07.21

It seems not enough network coverage to do so from where I sit, on my small balcony. If I go get my coffee from the cab, I can check there.

I still want to shower, then pack up.

I can sense that my position in the trip has shifted. This is, I suppose, largely because I have made it through the parts that most concerned me.

I made it to the Ghost Town, got the pictures I wanted, filled the tank, and made it to the following campsite while I still had light. Then I go to Deadvelei (or whatever it’s called), at sunrise. I survived Ugab without being eaten by lions and drove through the sharp rocks without getting a flat.

The rest of the trip now seems easy. The only real concern are the mosquitos, and I know that’s largely a losing battle. I’m just hopeful that my anti-malarial drugs will save me. Taking them is not a challenge.

It may turn out that I am able to take pictures of wild animals, despite my lack of enthusiasm for doing so. I know I will, because what else should I use my time on?

I will not visit the Himbas, and for that I am quite happy.

My sense, so far, is that I have not taken any “amazing” photographs. There may be some good ones. Shots that I’m happy to publish. But nothing that really surprises and delights me. That’s OK. I knew that this would likely be the case before I set out. I’m glad that I reset my own expectations to see that this trip is less about photography and more about solitude and proving that I could do it, although only to myself. I can continue to tell others that the trip was about landscape photography.

Another part which I have not written as much about, was my desire to stop planning my trips around women who might travel with me. First Naya put the idea in my mind and I still feel that it is amazing that I could indeed travel with her, have a bath with her, have sex, and good conversations with her.

Likewise, traveling with Vera provided experiences that I’m glad to have had, even if only for their ability to convince me that I do not want them any longer.

The light is changing and I’m considering some more photos...

07.38

It’s not really nice, so I have only taken one auto-bracketed set. I’m watching to see if anything interesting happens, but I don’t expect it to.

I’m a bit curious about the rest of my trips this year. Will I really get out an hike in Norway? I have avoided hiking on this trip, although I’ve had plenty of good excuses. I have, in a sense, done the vehicular equivalent... driving 3-6 hours each day. Hiking in the heat here would not be comfortable, and there were no real destinations of interest.

The light has passed, so my one set will likely be all that I will get here. It may not work, but I took it at the right time.

This offers a clue, actually, to what I am trying to achieve. I’m trying to see if I can figure out how to position myself at the right place and the right time to make interesting photographs. The only reason is just to know that I can. To impress myself in the way that others impressed me earlier. First Dick, with a picture that he took of some boys in a pickup truck, with lens flare. For some reason, that image, and knowing he had taken it, led me to want to learn photography. Another of his, a still life with monopoly pieces, also impressed me, but did not inspire in the same way.

When I later discovered that photography could give me access to seeing women without clothing, this became my major motivation. I’ve managed to fulfill my dream of taking images that rival the boys in the truck. I’ve managed to be with women who removed their clothing at my request. I’ve managed to travel to scary places and enjoy myself, while taking pictures that I enjoy looking at, both for the aesthetic beauty of the scene I’ve captured and the memory of how I captured it.

Impressing others has never been my main objective, though it has been surprisingly pleasant when it has happened. Well, that is, when it comes to the landscape, street, architectural, portrait, and self-portrait work that I have done. When it comes to the nudes of all types, it’s more likely to make me feel a bit guilty.

Isn’t that interesting? When I have taken a pictures that others find enticing for any reason other than sexual desire, I am happy. When I have taken pictures that others find enticing because of its sexuality, then it feels like less of my achievement. It feels like more of an admission of guilt. Guilt that I like this sort of thing. Guilt that I’m willing to pay women to pose in this way. Guilt that I convince others who I do not pay, to pose in this way.

In a sense, the pictures are all the same. I do not create them for others. I create them for myself. Because I want to prove to myself that I can (travel). Because I do not believe that I can see women naked without my camera, or without giving them something else of value.

Gerhard and Annelise told me of a young woman with hair dyed many colors who had 26 sexual partners through her college years, but not because she really wanted them. Because she wanted to prove to herself that she was attractive to men. She doubted, because of her relationship with her father, which did not meet her needs.

I have wanted to prove to myself that I could do these things, which I doubted, because of my relationship with my family, which left me doubting my abilities and attractiveness to women.

I feel more convinced now that some women will find me attractive. Below that layer I find I fear what makes them find me attractive.

Is whatever that is something that I can live up to?

I wrote recently about fearing someone convincing me that I could not do what I wanted to do. That I was making a wrong decision. Is that what makes me fear wanting something from someone when they have expectations that I can’t live up to? Or, perhaps, just don’t want to live up to?

08.12

I’m feeling quite lazy, sitting here on the porch. I’ve stopped writing or taking pictures. Just sitting.

I can’t really get started yet, because I doubt that the supermarket opens before 9am. It may do, but if it doesn’t, then I would need to sit and wait, which would leave me open to lots of begging, which I would prefer to avoid. I don’t actually have that much to buy.

I’ve been thinking I should take a shower, but then again, don’t really feel the need to. Perhaps I will, perhaps I won’t, but if I do, that would take up more time.

Epupa 13.36

I have arrived at Epupa Camp. It took a while to figure out which Epupa campsite I have reservations for. There are many variations.

I’m trying to make a game plan. It’s hot. 32C. I’m in campsite #1 and that’s not bad. It’s got a private toilet and shower, as well as a fire place WITH a grill. Yay! And the restaurant was not an option, due to my arriving “too late”, which is perfect. So I can grill my steak and sausages. I also bought tuna and yogurts, so I should be able to feed myself for several days.

The gas station and supermarket both had its share of people wanting to sell me something or just get money for nothing. There were a surprising number of Himba women walking in their traditional dress. Even one in the supermarket.

I was happy to get out of town, but I had to drive fairly slowly on this road, due to lots of uneven surfaces and water dips.

At one point, I passed a “Living Museum”, which I presumed was a Himba town, and some women sitting in the shade outside of it. I didn’t stop but was thinking that taking pictures of Himba women I met along the side of the road might be an option I could live with. I passed lots of people, mostly men tending cattle or sheep. Everyone waved their arms downward in a singalong that I should slow down, which I did. I was pretty sure, however, that they actually wanted me to stop, so that they could ask for money or food.

Finally, I saw two young Himba girls walking on a fairly deserted stretch, and one made this motion with her arms, so I stopped. They ran to my car and I asked if I could take their picture.

“Photo? 20 for her, 20 for me.” The oldest one said. They were both teenagers. The youngest I would guess about 13 or so, the oldest perhaps 16, though I could easily be off by a few years for either of them.

The youngest seemed fairly nervous.

I positioned them away from the road and took a single shot, then another, then realized that I had the camera set up for auto-bracketing still. Shit!

Still, I felt like I had done what they had agreed to, so I handed them each a 20 (glad that the bank I went to gave small bills).

“One more. 10 for her, 10 for me.” She said, so I took some more. The older girl was obviously very happy with this. Not necessarily the pictures, but at least that she was getting money. I only took a few, then gave them each 40 N$.

Then she gave the universal sign for food, so I gave them a protein bar and grabbed one for myself.

The pictures may not be very good, to be honest. They are just standing, staring at the camera. The kind of pictures I do not really like. But I was very happy about the exchange for several reasons.

They were young entrepreneurs and were happy at their success. I was happy for the exchange. I could sense that no one benefitted from the exchange except them and me. That seems appropriate. I did not care if they felt they had cheated me. I was quite happy to pay them for the experience and the pictures and I paid at a value so low it felt trivial.

Now, as for my campsite...

OK, it’s nice. What I really mean is that I can’t really decide yet what I should do with the day. I’m a little hungry. It’s hot. I don’t know where the falls are.

It’s not great weather to shoot at the moment. I should really explore. Ideas:

+ Go back to the camp to charge my iPad and iPhone, and use WIFI to check the map.

+ Make myself a tuna fish wrap and eat it and a yogurt

+ Get a coffee at the bar

+ Set up my camp

+ Drive up to the viewpoint

OK, here’s my plan:

0. Strip to shorts and sandals DONE

1. Lift up the roof, but don’t lay out the bed. DONE

2. Make a tuna wrap and yogurt for lunch. DONE

3. Head over to the lodge to check maps. (DOING)

4. Drink a coffee there as I charge my units and make a plan.

14.57

I’m over by the outlets. It is crowded, as feared. Luckily, I brought adapters, so I can plug in both my iPad and my iPhone. Wifi is not great, of course. I’m trying to judge whether I can walk to a good viewing point for the falls, of if I should drive.

There is also a little island here, I will explore that first, of course, although I have lost much of my expectations regarding pictures in this area.

15.13

I’ve gotten a nespresso cup of coffee, which is fairly cold because it took the waitress a long time to find milk. I’ll make due.

I’ve asked about walking to the falls. The guy claimed it was about 15 minutes, but i have to leave the camp grounds.

I will explore the little island first, then go for my walk. It’s fairly cloudy, so I’m not sure what kind of images I’ll be able to take, but I suspect that my tripod and filters may make sense. At least I’ll get my exercise in for today.

16.54

I got back to my camper and was starting to pull out my day pack and the lenses and everything else that I wanted to have with me, when I noticed that things suddenly went darker than before. I went out and sure enough, dark clouds had rolled in under the sun. It actually looked like it could rain.

I decided to take a break and watch for a bit, but though it looked like it might rain for quite a while, it wasn’t actually raining, until just a few minutes ago. Luckily, it looked enough like it could rain that I put the rain protection on over the sleeping area. I did not ever think that I would need it, but I’m glad that I put it on before the rain started.

It was actually a gust of wind that made up my mind. Mostly because I was afraid it would blow sand in through the screen windows. The wind was strong enough to blow some palm branches off of a tall palm tree. They missed the car by 2 or 3 meters, but I’m not sure if they would have done real damage if they hit it.

I’m also aware that I’m parked nearest and closest to the river. If heavy rain raised the level by two meters, I’d be in trouble. I hope that does not take place, of course. From the looks of the camp ground, this would be a pretty rare occurrence.

I expected the rain to pass almost instantly, but it continues. Oh, well, at least that cools things down.

Perhaps I will put pictures onto my computer.

17.12

It appears to have stopped now, but as I was getting my computer out, I saw a monkey in the camp, eventually it was a small family of 3 monkeys. I managed to get a few pictures. Now girls are running around outside and the monkeys are gone.

I must remember to avoid leaving anything out of my camper (food in particular).

19.49

I managed to make a fire and have patience for it to reduce itself to coals, then put the grill on top of it and put the steak I bought on top of that. I had brought out the sausages, but could see that the meat wasn’t getting much heat immediately. I put the sausages back in the fridge and tried to cook the meat, but ended up throwing it all away (I fear the monkeys will get it later).

I ate some peanuts and a yogurt. I’m considering a protein bar, but I only have 6 left and 7 days. If I can eat in restaurants most days, and I can make my sausages, I might be OK. It would be best, however, to save that protein bar for a later day. I already gave away one protein bar and one packet of macadamia nuts. I can’t give any more away.

I do have several cans of tuna, though, which is good.

While I was working on my fire, a woman came to offer a visit to a Himba village. I would go alone, with her, and spend about 2 hours, learning about the tribe and how they live, with the woman as an interpreter.

I realize that this would be the best way for me to go to such a village, and realized that I did not want to do it. I politely declined after she had finished her pitch and I asked a number of questions. She was fine and left. I only them remembered that I would like to try to take pictures of the waterfalls in the morning. Funny how I can struggle to remember such things at such a moment.

20.07

I just spent 5 to 10 minutes trying to kill some annoying little flies that buzz around my eyes when I sit next to one of the lamps in the cab. No matter how many I seemed to kill, there were many more, though where they come from, I can’t say. Eventually, I just gave up and changed my lights to blue rather than white.

I don’t know if this will help get rid of them, or perhaps just make them less visible. I suspect that they may be so small, they can come through my mesh windows.

Day 15 - Monday, April 29, 2019

Epupa 06.38

I’m up early and getting ready to walk to the falls carrying my full backpack and tripod. It’s dark, but I can see the moon and the stars, so I do not consider it too cloudy. I’ll bring a protein bar and water with me.

08.34

Whew!

OK, I got to the falls by sunrise. Took pictures using both my tripod and neutral grad filters (perhaps overdoing it). Nearly frightened an old man enough to make him fall off a cliff. Felt badly about that, but no sympathy from him or his female companion later, when I passed them on the road back.

Got in all my exercise. Did not eat anything, but brought a protein bar just in case. Drank a bunch of water. What hot and sweaty when I got back. Took a shower, feel better now.

Now need to decide if I want to make breakfast. I think the answer, coming from my stomach, is a resounding yes. I’ll make coffee too.

Ruacana 15.08

OK, interesting morning.

After deciding to make breakfast, I discovered that my patched tire had gone flat. Damn.

I decided to make breakfast and coffee and deal with it later. Once I had finished and closed up, I started working on the jack. It was tough going. I put the tables down to lay on, but I struggled a lot. A guy came by at about 9:30, and he made a pumping motion when he saw it, then went off to get help.

When I thought a bit more, I realized that pumping the while would lift the car most of the way, and I could then just use the jack to get that wheel off the ground. I was well on my way to that when two men appeared and helped me change the tire to the spare. I had also struggled to figure out how to get the spare off. As it turned out, there is a metal plate that can be turned and pulled up through the hole in the wheel.

I gave them each 100 N$ for their help and they didn’t complain.

I contacted the help agency, and they suggested getting a new tire in Opuwo, but I don’t expect to pass through there again. I will have to find another spot. Network access is very poor here.

I had wanted to ride along the river, but could not find the right road. In the end, I decided to take the GPS instructions, even though I hated to back track, both because I wanted to see something new and because that road was not very good. I made it, though, and this is a nicer campsite. I’m again, right by the river, though it’s more sedate here. No fear of rains causing a flood that would sweep me away.

They have a restaurant and both dinner and breakfast. They also have a spot where I could grill, but I won’t use it. We’ll see if I am able to make my sausages in Etosha.

I’m sitting in the cab at the moment, with the window and door open for a slight breeze. I need to open the back up. I may do a tiny bit of hiking to see if there are any good locations for photography here, but I don’t feel a strong need for that. I have electricity. They claim there is WIFI, but I could not get it to work.

15.35

OK, bed and roof unpacked. Trying to decide what to do next.

I forgot to ask when dinner starts, but surely 18:30 or 19:00.

So I have 3 to 4 hours. What do I want to do?

1. Explore (pool, potential photo opportunities)

2. Shower

3. Coffee & Snack?

4. Try wifi again

5. Transfer pictures to computer

Last night it was so warm all night that I mostly slept under a sheet. Tonight, I will plan on the same, though I can take the comforter out again.

So, what order do I want to do things?

Snack first? I can try wifi at dinner. I haven’t had my protein bar yet, nor a yogurt. I’ve already had two cups of coffee, but I can splurge for a 3rd for once. I made two cups at breakfast. One for immediate consumption, one in my thermos for the road.

OK, here’s the order:

1. Coffee, yogurt, and protein bar. DONE

2. Shower DONE

3. Explore (no camera) DONE

4. Photo opportunities if anything good found (UPDATE: Nothing really, did find a couple of lizards)

5. Transfer photos to computer

6. Try wifi FAILED (again)

7. Dinner

No hiking. I already hiked enough this morning.

17.01

I just filled in my status for the activities above.

I tried sitting outside to read, and although it is pleasant in terms of the shade and breeze, whenever I sit outside for a moment, a small fly comes and does loops around my ears (usually the right ear) and eyes. Perhaps I should try sitting outside with my mosquito net on. It’s a bit embarrassing, but may be a good option. It’s a bit warm in the vehicle cabin, since not as much of the breeze gets here.

I saw, as I wrote above, a couple of big lizards. One was probably about the length of my arm, the other my hand. I got a video of the smaller lizard and tried to take pictures of the larger, but with no luck.

I tried the Wifi again but found that I was not the only one with no real luck using it.

I finished Paradox Bound. Not the best book ever.

18.14

Interesting. I found that I can sit outside with my hat and fly net on over it. The small flies still come and buzz around, “obviously” quite annoyed. They seem particularly interested in the spot right in front of my nose. I have two theories for this.

1. They are drawn to my exhalations.

2. They actually have equal interest in most places, I only notice when the focus on my ears or in front of my eyes.

In any case, when they can’t get to “me”, they eventually lose interest, and then I find myself having long stretches of peace.

I’m glad I discovered this. I will use the fly net much more, despite the fact that it is fairly embarrassing.

I’m not sure when dinner starts. I am thinking that I should take my long pants on and socks, perhaps even my long sleeved shirt over my t-shirt, just to keep bugs away. Again, feels silly and warmer than necessary, but I prefer it to bug bites.

I’m reading now about meditation and consciousness. It’s been a theme for me lately, and I find it quite interesting, though I can’t say whether I am learning anything from all this “study”.

I do wonder, as always, if I will use this to find myself in a relationship with a woman who embodies these principals, or if I will continue to be the one who provides serenity as a service for the women in my life.

Today has been a quite relaxing day.

I checked the route for tomorrow. It seems that this was when I will be able to drive along the river. At least, I was not able to get my Google map to show a route direct from Epupa to this location, so perhaps not that bad after all.

I need more water. At least two 5L jugs. I should also buy more eggs and tuna (which is becoming an easy meal).

I will also buy more bacon, if I can. When it is not so windy, as this morning, and I have patience, I can get this to a good state on my pan. I’ll make a shopping list.

20.04

Whew! I’m stuffed. It was a good dinner.

I got there a good 30 minutes early, but I wasn’t upset about that. There were only two tables made up and only one with one setting, so it was obvious which table was mine.

Eventually, a young man showed up and moved quickly to my table. After establishing that I was sitting in the right place, I asked for a gin & tonic and a bottle of still water. He went on to ask where I was going tomorrow, and then whether I could give him a ride. I was reluctant to accept, at first, wanting to make sure that he was not expecting me to go out of my way, but eventually we looked at a map together and I understood how I could give him a ride without going out of my way.

I mentioned that I wanted to repair my spare tire, and he mentioned that they have a workshop here, which I think is a good option for patching the tire again.

I was thinking that I would give him a ride, but when he came with the first dish, he said he would help with patching my tire, but would not be going tomorrow after all. Apparently his manager did not want him to do it. I can understand this, since he is an employee and I am a guest, but I felt a little guilty for being reluctant.

Typical for me. We parted on good terms, though. We’ll see what happens. I had gotten used to the idea by the time he said he would not go, so I was a little disappointed, although, honestly, it’s easier for me to drive alone as I normally do, of course.

Day 16 - Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Olifantsrus 17.42

What a day!

The GPS gave me lots of confusing and misleading advice today. First, the gas station I went to was not along the way, as I had expected. I did have good reception there, though, so managed to download podcasts, connect with the insurance agency, and get my email sent.

I could use Google maps to second guess the GPS, which suggested lots of turns down non-existent or, at very best, barely existing roads. I finally accepted a compromise between Google maps and my GPS, but it let me to drive along a fence between me and Etosha. In the end, just before the tracks ran out, the fence was damaged just enough to let me drive over it.

It was not a safe move. I really didn’t like the idea, from several perspectives.

1. I might get stuck or damage the car.

2. It was probably illegal.

3. I would be entering the park, but not through an official entrance. (Which may give me troubles later)

In the end, however, I had driven 20 km at about 20kph, so I was loath to turn around and try again. So I backed it up and drove as quickly as I could over the broken fence. After a number of scary noises of metal against metal, I was through. I got out of the car and walked around it. Luckily, all seemed good.

This allowed me to follow the GPS instructions further.

Before too long, I passed some zebra. I took pictures. Then I passed a giraffe and took pictures of it. A little later, more zebra. OK, this was a good sign.

But as I drove on, I started to get very nervous about the fact that I had not driven through an official entrance.

Trying to consider the potential consequences, I considered lots of worst case scenarios:

1. Death penalty.

2. Jail.

3. Confiscation of all my worldly goods.

4. Million dollar fine.

5. Refusal to allow me to stay in my reserved campsites and ejection from the park.

I felt certain something like this would happen and considered trying to find a gate.

In the end, I decided that going to the campsite first was the best option and I did that. When I arrived, I mentioned the GPS sending me down lots of strange paths. The woman at reception asked where I had come from and seemed impressed when I said Kunenes. Otherwise, no request for my permit or anything.

OK, we’ll deal with the problem when I need to leave the park, I suppose.

I found my campsite and walked to the blind, which actually seems pretty good. There were some deer there, which did not even warrant a picture and name on the board with 20 various wildlife heads pictured.

The couple who camped next to me in Kunenes are here, although I did not recognize them immediately.

We saw a python high in a tree this morning and I took pictures of it, though it’s hard to see what it is.

Dinner is available now, so I think I will eat before doing more.

18.01

I ordered dinner and, as always, they looked at me like I’m crazy, wanting me to eat so early. The woman had asked me if it was fun traveling alone. I said, “Yes, because if anything goes wrong, I know it’s only me who is impacted.”

I asked for a coffee, but that was impossible. I can make my own. This is one night when I will stay up fairly late, to take pictures at the watering hole. I know I said that I was not interested in this type of photography, but I figure I might as well, since I am here.

Gerhard mentioned that often the watering hole is the most exciting place to be, and that this site in particular has a great “hide”.

I can go fairly early, a ways before sundown, and bring my iPad to have patience.

On the way here, I passed many more people, both Himbas and others. While crossing a river bed, I came across another pretty girl. This one had a bunch of small children around her and she also called to me. I rolled down my window and she said, “Money.”

I asked if I could take her picture and needed to show her the camera for her to understand. She nodded and I stopped the car and changed lenses. I took several pictures of her with the children all around her. I have not looked at the pictures again yet.

I gave her 10N$, and she showed no sense of understanding how much this was. She just said thank you and seemed pleased. They all waved goodbye and I was on my way. I crossed a group of three women walking towards the road soon after and, once again, felt fine driving on past them.

At the gas station I saw a large woman dressed in the elaborate dress that I also read about. This did not interest me, so I did not even consider taking her picture.

Once I got on asphalt, people still seemed to want to stop me, but I felt no desire to accept.

22.51

Damn.

While taking pictures at the blind tonight, I switched lenses on my 1DX in the dark apparently one to many times. The camera stopped working suddenly and responds to no attempt to get it to work again.

I have tried;

0. Turning off and on again.

1. Switching lenses.

2. Switching batteries.

3. Looking to see if the mirror is still up.

4. Taking out the card.

Nothing works and I’m at a loss as to what to do. Luckily I’ve taken the pictures that are most important to me. I can take animal pictures here in Etosha with my 70D, which I’m now glad I have along.

I stayed at the blind until about 10pm, then my camera stopped working. Even the lens cap on the 70D’s 70-300mm zoom was pushed in, so I couldn’t even get that off in the darkness.

I did manage to see and shoot:

1. Giraffe

2. Rhinos

I may have seen a baby rhino and a hyena, but I had to leave around that time, so I can’t be sure. There was some other animal there as well, but although I took a picture of it, you really can’t see what it is.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Day 17 - Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Olifantsrus 06.56

I slept pretty well. Woke at about midnight after a combination of noise and a dream, if I remember right.

There was a lion making noise at various times, but I think that was mostly in the morning.

07.04

The guy at the reception just came by and confirmed that it was a lion I was hearing. I am not disappointed that I stayed in my bed.

At this stage, the rest of the trip holds less interest for me, as I realized a day or two ago. It’s all gravy. I am a little anxious about leaving Etosha and I’m sad that my 1DX is not working, but glad I have the 70D as a backup.

07.40

I’ve had my breakfast. I now only have to make myself my afternoon coffee and pack up, then I can go. I am thinking that I will take the long drive to Okaukuejo. Going along the edges of the park yesterday showed that I saw more animals off the beaten track.

08.30

After much deliberation, I’m going to try the quicker of the two routes. I will try to use the extra time to just stop when I see animals and give them time to do something.

Okaukuejo 16.11

I was right in thinking that Etosha would be my least favorite of the Namibian attractions. I have made it to Ok..., the location after Olifantsrus. It’s a whole compound. It does have a post office, which is a bonus, although it is closed today due to the May 1st holiday. I hope it opens by the time I want to leave tomorrow. Must look at its hours again. I don’t have far to drive tomorrow, so probably no big deal regardless.

I actually went through a number of decisions with regards to my route here. As I wrote above, I originally thought I would take the straight route, then I felt that the quality of the road was so bad that I changed my mind. Then I came upon a waterhole and saw female lions, among other things. A little later, I saw a side road going in either direction. My GPS said go right, I tried going left. The road was better, but not so interesting. After a few km I turned around and crossed the street, following my GPS (for the alternate route).

The road was better, but there was a lot of brush. I was not very pleased with the option, but considered the road less travelled, and all that. Eventually, I found a group of zebra, which lifted my spirits. After 40km, however, I reached a fence and realized the GPS was doing the same that it did to me yesterday. So I turned around and decided I had no choice but to take the main route and be happy for it.

That road was terrible for much of the way, but I was able to find a few more watering holes and even a toilet, when I really needed it.

I was hungry when I made it here and after checking in bought an ice cream, then a ham & cheese toasted sandwich and fries, and finally a half liter cold water. Now I’m feeling stuffed.

I’ve set up and then cleaned out the camper. Things to do next:

1. Shower and Shave

2. Go to the water hole with my camera (already explored to see where it is)

3. Dinner at 18:30

4. More time at the waterhole

5. Put pictures onto computer

6. Sleep

So, the question is whether I should go to the water hole now, then shower, then go back if I want to, both before and after dinner.

I think I’ll try that.

16.55

OK, there wasn’t much at the waterhole. A deer and an Oryx, plus a couple of warthogs.

Now I’m particularly hot, though, so a shower will be nice.

19.42

After my shower I worked a bit on Einaudi sheet music, filling in notes. Harder to do with the sitting options available in my cabin. Then I chose to take a little nap, which was nice. I went for dinner and got 300MB of WIFI.

I walked out to the waterhole as the sun was setting and may have gotten a shot or two of a jackal. I had kept my shorts on, though, and though a giraffe was coming, it was taking it’s time and I don’t think I can get good pictures with my 70D.

So I’m back at my cabin, although there is noise all around me. In a sense, it’s much sadder to be in my cabin alone when there are crowds from 2 people and up all around me.

That is, it’s not sad at all to be in a campsite with not a car in sight or sound, when that is what I have chosen and I love it.

I didn’t really choose either place. The agency chose both locations, but I was able to choose my individual site in the first location and pick one as far away from everyone else as possible. This place has plots separated only by short posts and only a little wider than the length of my car.

Oh well.

We will see what tomorrow brings.

20.50

I’ve been reading more of my book on spirituality. The author is, as others have done, trying to say that there is no “I”. Or, sometimes, that there are several “I”s. I don’t really understand this from many perspectives. Why is it that people attempt to convince themselves of this?

I can accept that there may be two consciousnesses in my body, due to my dual hemisphere brain. I am surprised by the thought that the left brain may control the right ear. That seems unlikely to me. It’s not hard to understand the swapped eyes, and perhaps even the hands. But swapping the ears just seems impractical beyond just the impracticality of the blind spot in the eyes.

In any case, there is this concept of the duality or non-duality of something or other having to do with consciousness which gets me twisted up. It feels like either what they are trying to describe is remarkably simple or somewhat silly.

They often start with the idea that we do not have control over our thoughts. Our brains just seem to generate them. That’s fine.

That’s sort of like saying we do not control cellular division. Our cells take care of that. It seems that the authors of these books may be attempting to speak to people who somehow believe that they have control over their thoughts. I suppose some people might be stuck in that way of thinking, so this would be a revelation to them.

He talks about how some guru make this instantly apparent to him, the same way that someone can help you see your blind spot in a few simple steps. Then he just goes on describing in vague terms what happened. What exactly was said?

He never actually gets to this part. If there were a blind spot finding simple approach to seeing the illusion of the self, why not just provide it? His and others inability to describe what they mean calls the whole assertion into question.

Or it could be that I already understand this and have since an early age. I remember my conversations with Karen, explaining that happiness in the current moment seemed to be the main goal in life. Or saying to Christine that we do not have much control over our own bodies (such as when it will produce hair and where). Karen did not indicate either agreement or disagreement, but Christine was definitely not convinced.

Meanwhile, my back hurts from having sat too long today and in improper ways.

Yes, I know that I am aware of this through thoughts, and it is me thinking these thoughts.

I just don’t get it.

Day 18 - Thursday, May 2, 2019

Okaukuejo 07.51

Feeling a little more melancholy as I prepare to leave today. I think that it is when I am around many more people, I am more aware of myself, and the fact that I am single makes me wonder how people are judging me. Since I tend to fear the worse, I do not imagine positive thoughts, I suppose.

In any case, I slept fairly well and had breakfast at 7am (not the first, there were many who apparently started early, or I misunderstood the start time). The post office should open at 8am, so I’m not in a rush.

Halali 13.47

Well, it turned out to be an exciting day after all, and I’m only just arriving at lunch.

I may not have written about it but the car has been making a strange noise when it moves. It’s worse in reverse, but also moving forward. It’s like the proverbial cards in the spokes, but looking underneath the car I could not see anything stuck in the wheels. It was causing people to give strange looks and it made me uncomfortable, but there was nothing to do.

Then, about 40km from Halali, after taking my time and driving even slower than normal, suddenly there was a bit of a crash and the sound got much worse. I stopped immediately and had a look underneath and could see a bend in a long pipe from the back of the car to the front of the car. I tried driving again and heard it unmistakably again, so I stopped.

Luckily, a large truck came going in the other direction and stopped when I waved him down. It was driven by a well spoken African man. He looked under the car and found the problem immediately. There was a metal braided wire, a little thinner than my small finger, that had been holding up the drive train, and it had snapped (or been cut by a rock, I suppose).

The guy asked if I had a rope, and I took out the two canvas straps, and we used one to tie up the train. He suggested I drive slowly and ask for help to fix it at Halali. I got about 20km and the strap split, apparently burned in a diagonal cut.

At least, this time, I knew what to do, and the remaining strap was long enough to tie again. I struggled, however, to both hold and the drive train and tie the canvas, so I got out the jack and started raising it.

As I was working, a car with some Germans stopped. It was a group of two or three women and a man, all about my age. He did not speak English, but helped me. This time, the tie held until I made it to Halali. I checked in at reception and asked if anyone could help. She called maintenance and they suggested that I drive to camp 20 to find them.

Once I did, and he understood the problem, he had me drive behind some building and up onto a lift with a bay under it for him and a slew of others to work on the car. It took about 2 hours, but they eventually got it in good shape.

Next was the negotiation. It probably took another 30 minutes or more to contact Britz. In typically African style, they needed another 10 minutes to negotiate a final price.

14.25

My cheeseburger came and I had to stop writing for a while.

Britz started at 200N$. Not enough. 250N$.

The manager countered with 650N$. Too much. 600N$. Too much. 500N$.

Lots of discussion.

450N$. Not enough.

It was never actually agreed upon, but when I talked to the guy, Christopher, 450N$ was what he claimed was the agreed upon amount.

I paid 500N$, and since the contract mentioned that any incident would cost 500N$, I don’t expect any refund.

I was actually quite happy when it broke, because this gave today some purpose. If I hadn’t needed to drive very slowly, I would have made it to Halali by 9:30 am. I stopped at one watering hole, but it was almost devoid of animals. I had to pass another that clearly had elephants, but they are actually boring in the middle of the day, standing very still.

Now I will walk out to the watering hole here, just to see what it is like. I’ll bring my camera, even though I don’t expect to need it.

15.28

Bringing the camera was the right choice. There was a group of about 20 elephants, young and old, male and female, at the waterhole, bathing for about 30 minutes. I left when they did. I got the impression that they were aware of me, probably because my camera was a little loud (not as bad as the 1DX, but louder than most people’s). I may be wrong, but I don’t mind either way, because everyone else had left by that time (there were eight cars parked and a bunch of people when I arrived, but they started leaving before the elephants did.

I’m transferring pictures to the computer now. Just over 900 for today and yesterday.

It’s hot in the sun, but not to bad in my camper, with all the windows open I’m basically in the shade. Even so, I’m still sweating.

Onto another subject.

The book describes trying to see your own head with the same eyes you use to perceive the world. Nope, can’t do it. He says to try to imagine, therefore, that you don’t have a head. Um, OK, why? I don’t see how this has anything to do with getting rid of the sense of self.

A camera usually cannot take a picture of itself, but that doesn’t mean that the camera does not have a self.

Still confused.

22.16

Stayed for a couple of hours at the waterhole tonight. Saw more rhino and some hyenas, even heard one “laugh”. Heard the call of something quite loud, but no idea what it was.

Day 1 - Day, Month D, YYYY

Okaukuejo 07.04

I’m getting more lazy as the trip nears its end and I have less that I want to achieve each day. Or perhaps, I’m becoming more relaxed, feeling less urgency for the day.

I wake up as early, then happily fall back to sleep to the sounds of others getting their cars packed up.

07.45

Now I’m all packed up, just getting ready to leave. I should check my fluids...

07.47

OK, fluids look fine. I have another short drive ahead of me today. I wish I had a better map of Etosha, so I could consider driving down more back roads.

Namutoni 11.29

Boring drive today. Found exactly one waterhole and spent 1 hour there. Only saw a few antelope, but it was prettier and more peaceful than the other sites.

My entrance dilemma has resolved itself. Whew!

I arrived quite early at my last site in the camp. They asked for the form that they would have given me at my entrance gate. I feigned confusion and went to my car to look for the form (they gave me an example).

I came back, apologetic and explaining I had been very tired that day, due to driving from the north and having problems with my car. They looked annoyed, but helped me fill out a new form and I paid my fees here. Luckily they started by asking me if I had paid my fees, and I could truthfully say, no I hadn’t.

So that is a relief.

I’m at the new campsite very early and need to decide what I want to do. I think I might as well do the following:

1. Set up the camper.

2. Walk to the waterhole

3. Consider the shop (coffee?)

17.11

OK, did that. Also talked to the security guard, put pictures on to my computer, made a tuna wrap for lunch, ate an ice cream, took pictures of several elephants and antelope, got better network reception, wrote Uncle Bob, booked a hotel room for Sylph’s visit in June (in Mölle), took a nap, downloaded podcasts, and generally relaxed.

The campsite has filled in around me.

Max, the security guard, was another who could not understand that I was alone.

Do I want to take a shower?

I could use a shave, certainly. I have seen some people heading over there with towels.

The waterhole was great because there wasn’t a single person there. Eventually some did come and I left soon after, although I might have left around that time even so.

I am concerned about this desire to be alone. Not because I think there is anything wrong with it, but more because I think other people will not understand it. People fear what they don’t understand.

I have about 1 hour and 15 minutes until dinner. How shall I fill this time?

Going to the water hole is an option, but taking more pictures seems a bit silly at this point. I know I will reject most of them.

19.38

So I had dinner and when it came time to pay the bill, the waitress charged me for a kiddie buffet, because she thought I ate so little. Very funny!

As always, I was embarrassed to be finishing so quickly, but I was full, so why keep eating?

I (hope) I gave her a small tip. I paid in cash, and I don’t have much cash left. As I read it, the bill was 155 N$, and I left 160. I would have liked to have left a little more, but that was the best my bills could do.

Now it’s not so late and I don’t have much more that I want to do tonight. I suppose I can walk to the water hole again, though it was quite empty the two times I went earlier. This is not a very good layout either. It was good for me during the day, but not so good for night time, even with the flood lights.

One of my books said something about it being impossible to be bored, if one just gives enough attention to what one is doing. Or something like that. Let me find the exact quote.

One of the first things one learns in practicing meditation is that nothing is intrinsically boring— indeed, boredom is simply a lack of attention. Pay sufficient attention, and the mere experience of breathing can reward months and years of steady vigilance.

Well, I certainly can struggle with boredom. Perhaps that comes from having the distraction of having so many people around, and letting my mind take over with thoughts of what they are thinking about the guy sitting alone in his camper.

Perhaps.

Day 20 - Saturday, May 4, 2019

Namutoni 06.54

There was an annoying squeaking that my camper made last night whenever I made the slightest movement. This morning, getting back from breakfast, I could see that it was a single broken branch, barely hanging on to the rest of the tree, that was resting on my camper roof. Removing it was a simple matter. Now it is nicely silent in here. Too bad I didn’t notice before it got dark, but it was quite windy.

I’m reading a lot of books at the moment, so an observation like the one in the previous paragraph feels like it should be followed by some insight. Nope. I suppose, in a sense, this is what consciousness is like. A stream of observations and emotional responses, without necessarily having any meaning or purpose.

I paid for breakfast with credit card, thus saving the 200 N$ I have left in cash. I hope I can make it through the last two days without needing to take more money out of an ATM.

Waterberg 13.55

My cash is dwindling, but I haven’t run out yet. I’ve made it to Waterberg and picked out my campsite. The nice thing about arriving early is that sometimes they let you choose for yourself. I picked a site as far away from the other sites as possible, while nevertheless being less than a half km from the restaurant. There is a hiking trail I can take to get there, so I do not need to walk through the camp or on the street. Perfect!

It’s actually nice that I’m here for two days. I was a little uncertain as I drew near, because I was afraid it would be a boring spot.

I’ve started a fire so that I can finally grill my sausages. If that fails, I can make it to dinner if I need to. Once I’ve eaten, I can take some of the shorter hikes and leave the longer hike to the top of the plateau for tomorrow morning. Then I can use the afternoon to pack.

I am keeping an eye on my fire and just decided to put my fly net on. I can’t quite figure out if I have a fly stuck in it. One remains fairly stubborn, but let’s give it some time. OK, I think it’s outside. They usually give up after a little while. It’s good practice for me to get used to the buzzing noise in my ears.

OK, I couldn’t wait too much and took it off, smashed it to make sure it was empty, and put it on again. The same fly is buzzing around, but now I don’t have to worry about it getting to me.

I made it through the gate at Etosha with no problems. Whew! I’m very glad to have that behind me. It was both stupid to drive over the fence and enter illegally, and perhaps unnecessary to have such concerns about it, although in a way, that is what these trips are all about. Figuring out what will kill me and what I can survive.

Day 21 - Sunday, May 5, 2019

Waterberg 06.31

I forgot to turn on the power outlet that I used to charge my iPhone, Watch, and iPad. Thus, my phone ran out of power at about 4:38am. I’m charging it now. I woke on my own at about 5:30, as usual, and got up a little after 6:00. My watch and iPad are fully charged, so I am a bit confused.

In any case, I’ll give my phone a little more time to charge before I go to breakfast.

My thought had been to hike, immediately after breakfast, since my impression is that this is the coolest part of the day.

To do so, I should pack my bag carefully. I will want:

1. Both cameras and all 3 lenses.

2. Protein Bar

3. Water

4. Sweatshirt? (I can put it in the pack when it gets warm enough)

5. Hat

6. Sunglasses

7. Tissues

I think that’s about it.

It’s fairly windy at the moment and only 11C. Nice hiking weather.

09.39

I’m back. I got to the top and spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out if there was a trail that continued along the ridge, as the woman at reception had seemed to indicate, but to no avail. Eventually, I just came down the same way that I went up. I took a few pictures, including a couple of comical selfies, although it was less of a photo opportunity and more of an exercise opportunity. My legs are indeed tired now.

There are three African men outside my camper, sawing the legs off of one of the two grills set up at my campsite. They must have come while I was gone, but took a break and came back after I had made it into my camper. I’m not sure if they know I’m here or not, not that it matters.

Today is packing day! I have a lot to do arrange. I do not know if I will stick with a single duffle or use both. I should have a lot less with me on this leg, since I’ve eaten all my food. I have purchased a few small things:

9 pair of underwear

1 fleece

1 wooden elephant

3 small stones

1 carved chestnut

1 pair of flip flops

I’m hoping that the elephant’s tusks survive the trip home. I will look for a way to protect it. It won’t fit in the plastic box I used for food, but perhaps if I cut one end off and stuff it with dirty laundry, that will protect it enough.

The hike was nice, even if a bit short. It was steep, there where it was steep. My feet are most sore, although, to be sure, my legs are sore as well.

I think that my trip to Norway should go OK. I should indeed continue to exercise when I get back home. Both walking and running.

Sylph wrote that the plan to stay in the hotel should offer lots of great opportunities for shooting, both indoors and out, so that’s good to hear.

17.10

Just waking up from a nap. I decided to print 16 postcards (of the Himba children) and sent to my list of recipients. I’ll try to send them tomorrow, either from the airport or from Johannesburg airport.

I then started cleaning out my cabin and packing. I made a stupid mistake of throwing away the excess food I had in the trash can by my camper. A hour or two later, a group of baboons came through the camp and turned over the trash can and ate the food. Oops.

I tried putting what was left back into the trash, and they came again, and again. It was quite intimidating, actually. There was a French family who came over to take pictures. The baboons came and went multiple times. It was like being in a blind, watching them. I was not interested in taking pictures, because I felt so guilty about actually feeding the baboons, which there are signs warning against.

I had just naively thought that they would not put out trash cans that were easily opened if they had a monkey problem (as Gerhard had mentioned). I eventually cleaned things up and moved the remaining trash to a locked room.

I’ve put all my stuff into a single duffle bag, but checked in claiming that I would have 2 bags. I can split things into the small bag if they complain, as smaller airports sometimes do.

I need to take a shower, then I’ll have dinner at 19.00 again, followed by an early evening. No photography tonight.

The French family parked their camper in view of mine, as I expected, I would only have one night of solitude. As they were heading for their walk, I saw the oldest man with them, whom I had met briefly in the restrooms, looking at my camper. Was he wondering why I am holed up the whole day? Disgusted that I had left food in my trash bin? Looking at the mountain behind my camper, and not me at all? Who can say? Probably, not even him now, as he most likely has forgotten the moment.

I got an email from the China travel agent today. I had forgotten about that trip. She has given two options. One requires a flight, another a high speed train. I’ll need some time to think about it.

Day 22 - Monday, May 6, 2019

Windhoek Airport 14.18

Yay! Mission (almost) accomplished! That is, I have returned the rental car and only needed to pay 500 N$ for administrative costs due to the various issues that occurred, and I’ve made it through customs and I’m seated comfortably in the lounge. Here I was able to eat lunch (chicken curry and beef strips, with 3 hard, small chocolate chip cookies for dessert, and a cup of coffee), watch the Danish TV news from yesterday (nothing exciting going on), charge my phone and iPad (not 100% yet), download and listen to Up First, and pick two new free audible titles for May, which gives me more to listen to on my journey.

My flight will board in about 5 minutes, according to my boarding card, so I will end this now and pack up.

On the plane Windhoek-Johannesburg 15.12

And we are in the air. It’s a bit bumpy, so I’ll wait a moment before switching my SIM card back to my Danish card.

15.21

It got immediately better, so I took the opportunity to use the restroom, put a little lotion on the sides of my mouth, which get very dry if not moisturized in some fashion, something that I have been aware of happening since I grew my beard, and switched to the window seat, since I have the row to myself. I’m taking some pictures, since this is a rare daytime flight over an interesting location.

I got another comment on my beard, from the attendant at the lounge, when I asked for the WIFI password. He had a beard himself, though more closely cropped. He asked if the curl was natural and I said, “Mostly, I give it a little help.” I should have said, “Yes, though I enjoy twirling it, which helps.”

I seem to have gotten a taste for Gin & Tonic and have started ordering it at dinner after Gerhard made that first one for me. Sometimes I’ve been lucky and they have been out of gin. I’ve ordered it now, along with still water, for this flight. I see another bad habit taking it’s baby steps.

People do like, it seems, that I drink. Of course, at restaurants, that’s a high earner for them. Still water is a bit boring, although I should think it has a similar profit margin now.

One campsite security guard was quite talkative (at the last Etosha site) and asked both about how I could possibly be single, then about whether I drank. It seemed a strange thing to ask about. I told him I did not drink much, and he wondered if I was a Christian. No, I answered, it just gives me a headache.

Gin & tonic, at the moment, does not. We’ll see how long that lasts. I wonder if my headaches are a reflection of my feelings of guilt about drinking, or perhaps fear of getting a fat belly, like my father. Something that (and I know this comes as a shock if you’ve been reading my journal), has bothered me in the past.

16.11

OK, I’m stuffed. Nice meal, perhaps one of the better that I’ve had on the trip, although I did enjoy Oryx at some of the locations.

I looked at the description of two different options for my trip to China. Damn! Both sound pretty interesting, actually.

She mentioned that I might consider extending my trip. That is an option. I ordered business class tickets (though, I can’t remember if I booked tickets that I can change... let me look).

16.15

Nope, I can’t see if I can or not from the email that they sent me. Before I consider it, I might want to find out how much the duration I have already booked will cost me.

On plane Johannesburg-Heathrow 18.47

Upgraded to business. Yay!

I wrote to Melanie (hope I got her name right, yup, verified OK) to start asking for pricing for the various options. I kept my options open by saying that changing flights may cost extra, as well. We’ll see.

18.45

So what would an extension entail? I’m currently going for 14 days, from December 21st to Jan 3rd. I could extend by going earlier and/or returning later.

(Just finally taking off, by the way... I’ve had lots of time to enjoy my business class seat before we even took off.)

Will watch a movie now.

Day 23 - Tuesday, May 7, 2019

On plane 04.04

I can definitely get used to flying business class. I slept for a few hours and now have had breakfast and coffee (quite honestly, tasted a bit like someone had put their cigarette out in it). I couldn’t actually finish the breakfast itself. Not because it didn’t taste good, I’m just stuffed. I’ve actually had several fairly big meals in a short period of time, especially compared to what I had been eating while traveling.

I watched two movies so far, and now my entertainment system is down, which isn’t a great hardship. The movies were:

A. Sometimes Always Never (vey good)

B. Vice (good and depressing)

I’m very glad I decided to see A. It was a very “photographic” film, in that so many scenes where essentially interesting two dimensional photographs, sometimes with a figure moving in them. Other times, when the camera did move, it did so on a track, so the scene just moved left or right, but stayed two dimensional.

Otherwise, the story struck me as very “British” with a low, understated humor that nonetheless had deeper themes running along in parallel. Quite nice.

I knew about B from an interview on Fresh Air. It included some pretty amazing acting, considering that I knew a lot of the actors and knew a lot of the people they were portraying and the situations as well. It was depressing for several reasons:

1. It portrayed a few very close romantic relationships with a lot of passion.

2. It skimmed over how Dick made it into Yale and then the congressional aid program.

3. It was entertaining enough, and showed enough empathy for Dick that I suspect many would see him positively.

4. It’s sad to see how the US uses its power.

With respect to 1, I just don’t think I have that personality trait. Yes, I’ve been passionate in many of my relationships, but not in the way that Dick’s daughter was when her girlfriend broke up with her. Not in the way that Dick’s wife was when things were going badly.

OK, then, I’ve been coming to that realization for a while. It seems that, sometimes, such things take a while to sink in to our consciousness.

2-4 are really more about not understanding people who live for power.

I had a dream, though, were I pictured myself back in my early teenage years and liking a thin tomboy with freckles, who seemed to like me as well, though we were both shy, and there were also people around both of us that could see we liked each other and who helped push us together.

I remember clearly the mixed look of confusion, interest, happiness, and uncertainty on her face, and the jittery way she moved, trying to figure out what we should do with our arms and legs as we stood more closely together. We never resolved that question before I woke, and when I did, I realized that the girl was based somewhat on the young girl in A, who had a cute romance with the boy in the film.

I’m sad because whatever experiences I had like that, back in my own youth, feel like they did not progress any further than the one I had in the dream. A tantalizing sense that something of great interest lay there, but never actually moving into a true relationship.

It may be true, however, that this feeling of lost opportunity is not really unusual.

BA Lounge Heathrow 06.07

Now I’m in the BA Lounge in Terminal B, my flight boards in just 20 minutes, so I’ll head down in 15. I just listened to an “Adult” bedtime story about a woman turned into a frog and requiring a kiss from a man to return to the form of a woman, although she would have to then live with him for the rest of her life. She laments, however, in a support group, that she doesn’t know herself any longer, so she doesn’t know which man would suit her. Her support group is aghast, and while she doesn’t really feel it to begin with, as soon as a man picks her up, she begins to feel that she can live with the things that she notices about him that don’t suit her, until she realizes that he’s taken her home not for a life of bliss, but rather as dinner. This raises a rage in her that transforms her back to the form of a woman. I can identify.

So, here I am, a 53 year old man, not exactly a frog, but uncertain if a woman would find me attractive, but even more troubling, not believing that I could find a woman that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Is this a typical feminine concern for genetic reasons, or are women just more willing to admit their fears?

Like her, I’m thinking that my pond is not so bad (traveling to exotic places in fairly luxurious circumstances, to the extent that I want luxury). Not so bad.

Copenhagen 20.54

OK, now I’m feeling tired. I managed to do a lot today, but not really exercise. I ended up watching a debate between the 13 parties that will be running in the election that was just announced today, which will fall on June 5th. There will be another election, for EU, on May 26th. Neither of which are elections that I can participate in, but hopefully I’ll be a citizen by the next one after that.

To be honest, I struggle to decide which of the parties I might agree with. The big issues will apparently be:

1. Immigration/Refugee

2. Climate

3. Pension

I’m not sure what I think about issue #1. Obviously, I’m an immigrant, although I’m also well integrated, so much of what the discussion really boils down does not, according to most of the politicians, revolve around me or those who are like me. It’s really a discussion about non-western immigrants and refugees, specifically Muslims. This is not just a Danish issue, most countries in the west are struggling with this, because many of the refugees are seeking the ability to enter western countries because of the economic advantages of living here, although many people here fear that they will try to change the foundation of our way of living that led to the economic situation being better here.

As for #2, I’m skeptical that we (humanity as a species) have much control over what we are doing with the climate. Yes, I’m convinced we are influencing it. Yes, I’m convinced that we should attempt to mitigate the risks as best we can, on a systemic and governmental level. And yet, I’m doubtful that we can have as big an influence consciously as we think we can.

I suppose the way I see it, we need to assume that the world is going to be drastically different in the coming decades in ways that are pretty certain to cause hardship for many. We can see some of those things coming and, I suppose, the best we’re likely to be able to do is to prepare to deal with those changes as best we can.

If humans were a different species, I do not think we would be in this mess in the first place.

Regarding #3, as with the climate issue, I’m skeptical that we can make plans today that will hold 60 years from now. There are just too many chances that things will change radically in ways we don’t expect.

I did manage to get a lot of small things done today. I’ve unpacked and put most things away. I’ve done a single load of laundry and have another set for tomorrow. I’ve practiced piano, done my chin ups (OK, only a single set, but I’m starting slowly), done food shopping, and so on.

I’m glad I have another day off tomorrow to get settled. I’m up over 500 unread emails, so Thursday and Friday will be fun, reading through all these and trying to get caught up again.